Chapter 81:    Pokey's Confession

a letter to ADAM from POKEY--

Kemo Sabe:

I gotta write this letter to you because there's so many things I have to 
get off my chest right now and it may be a while before I get to see you 
in person.  I want to confess, buddy, for being such a crappy friend to 
you.

No, I haven't been drinking, that's just it--I'm CURED again, your promise 
is working just like it did before.  I don't know how, don't know why, but 
all of a sudden I don't NEED to have a drink any more.

The only explanation I can think of is that you've somehow got your magical 
Orator status back.  Something must have happened out there with your own 
people, and the magic of that reached all the fucking way back here to me 
in Monroe, Washington.  I actually FELT it happen around noon on Saturday, 
the ninth of August, exactly three weeks after the concert in Seattle.

Those were three bad weeks for me and I gotta admit I blamed you the whole 
time for leaving me stranded with that broken promise.  I should have been 
grateful instead for what I'd learned from that promise: that I really 
don't HAVE TO get drunk every time I'm near a drop of alcohol

And I DID learn it, haven't been drunk ONCE since you left. Not that it's 
been easy, I had to join AA, had to go to town with no money in my pockets, 
had to let my new girl friend dominate the hell out of me, but I held out.  
I don't know how much longer I could have kept it going, the craving to get 
fucked up on alcohol NEVER went away.  Until last Saturday.  Then poof--
all fixed.

When you first made that promise for me not to get drunk, life suddenly 
became so easy.  I had a brain again, I could be useful, I could succeed 
at stuff, I could deserve to have friends.  But not because of anything I 
did, not because I finally had a backbone, or because I had fulfilled my 
Spirit Dream.  It was only because you gave me an easy way out.

It's sorta like Christianity (don't get me wrong, I'm not gonna start 
calling you Jesus or nothing) you believe in Your Lord and he blesses you, 
so your sins are forgiven and you go to heaven forever.  Not because you 
were good or because you deserve it, but only because that Christ guy takes 
your burdens away from you.  He does all the work, you just cruise. 
Consider it a personal favor.  

Well, now I'm going to repay the personal favor you done me.  You asked me 
to help with the Nokhon Nation Reserve Project.  I did try to get started, 
sort of half-assed, but all my energy went into just not drinking.  Then 
there was Maki Yoshido, my new girl friend, who was supposed to make me 
happy but who made me realize just what a loser I am... was.  I only had 
time to take care of my own problems.

Oh yeah, and the band.  Those months were the best time of my life, making 
music with you and Melly and Liss.  I was part of something so good, I was 
in love with everybody around, I was horny as hell--but so was everybody 
else and none of us were getting laid.  Both girls wanted to screw you, I 
wanted to screw Lissy... oh hell, while I'm confessing allow me to admit 
that I have a permanent boner for Melly too.  Your Mom ain't bad either.

But it was so cool because we were all in the same celibate space, making 
that magical music, doing that fuckingly incredible concert.  And that night, 
adventuring with the sasquatches!  Saving lives, being heroes!  Holy shit, 
were we HOT!

Then bam, nothing more.  You gone, Dagrolyt gone, band discarded, me needing 
to drink again.  

Okay, there was a lot of stuff to do after that and it was all about making 
piles of money, so that should have been positive.  But me at financial 
meetings where they start off with a few social cocktails?  Didn't work for
me much. 

And there was Maki.  I guess you never really met her, she was in the audience 
at the concert.  I met her at the party afterwards, while you were on the roof 
of the Paramount Northwest getting possessed by that evil spirit and putting 
the meat to poor Melly, which is exactly when your promise quit working for me.

Not your fault, I know.  Melly knows too, but she couldn't help blaming you 
and neither could I.  Not your fault, but maybe not our faults either.  
Anyway, I need to stop feeling guilty about it, so I'm writing this letter.  
Therapy, I suppose.

But I was talking about Maki.  Last name Yoshido, Japanese-American, super-
cute, glasses, tiny and delicate (but with a REALLY nice rack, man!). She's 
twenty years old, studying for her teaching certificate at Western, doesn't 
smoke and DOESN'T DRINK.  Just right for me.  I fell in love-- I mean, I 
even managed to stop obsessing about Liss..a little bit.

Last time I saw you I was taking off to Bellingham on my scooter.  I was 
so resentful about your broken promise that I didn't really want to be 
around you.  I was supposed to go meet Maki, but figured we'd end up in a 
tavern where I could end up shit-faced and she'd never want to see me 
again.  But I had to go with the flow, man.  

I was surprised that she'd even called me, I mean we hit it off when we 
met, but I was just getting started with some drinks.  I wasn't even aware 
of having had the first one, and they were just delivered to my hand after
that.  She was sipping some blue drink, but I found out later that it was 
non-alcoholic.  

But mainly, she was horny, just like everyone else at that party, and she 
liked me.  Two qualities I fall for in a woman.  She was talking about 
satisfying me, nothing crude but definitely erotic, when I had to split 
and rescue Melly.  Then we streaked off to Monroe to stop a killer squatch 
(you) and I never expected to hear from her again.  

So when she invited me to come visit her in Bellingham I was expecting to 
get laid at last.  It had been a while, last with some drunk Indian chick I 
can't remember much about because I was even drunker.  That's the kind of 
sex I got, if any.

So I come to her dorm in Bellingham.  Woman's dorm, no male visitors after 
10:00 at night.  That was a surprise.  I hoped I wasn't expected to do her 
in my car because I'm on a scooter.  She was glad to see me and we went out 
to a cafe on the South Side.  We walked because she thought it was too 
dangerous to ride two on my scooter.  

At the cafe she drank ginseng tea, so I had the same.  Instead of a pitcher 
of beer, which is what I really wanted.  We talked, and man, I realized that 
we were total strangers, she was nothing like that girl I met at the party, 
in fact, she apologized for being so forward and crude that evening, didn't 
know what had come over her.  She hoped I didn't think she was that kind of 
girl.  I'd been hoping she was, natch.  

All she knew about me is that I was a suddenly famous rock star and it would 
be some kind of status for her to be seen going out with the drummer from 
Squatch & Friends.  All I knew about her is that she was awesomely cute and 
maybe had some nice boobs under that thick sweater.  But I soon got to know 
that there was no fun to be had here.  I was ready to drive back to Monroe.

But then we started talking about alcohol.  Because when we'd first met I 
told her I didn't drink, then proceeded to get a buzz on.  That confused 
her.  I wasn't ready to tell her about a sasquatch Orator's magic promise 
fizzling out, so just said I was an Indian brave with the usual problem.  
She told me she was an alcoholic too, but had not had a drink in two years.  
I admitted that I was burning up for a drink, but was fighting it off, so 
we had something in common after all and talked for hours.

When it was time to go home I walked her to the dorm and figured I was on 
my own after that, but she surprised me by sneaking me into her room.  
Suddenly there was hope again, but I ended up in a sleeping bag on the 
floor.  Casual sex was not something Maki Yoshido did.  But I didn't have 
to sleep on my scooter, so it was okay.

Next day she took me to her Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.  I can't say it 
was fun, but I couldn't help sympathizing for those poor people. So I learned 
about support groups, One Day at a time, all that stuff.  I needed it.  

Just to let you know how screwed up I was about being a thirsty alcoholic all 
over again: I was on my scooter in B'ham, just about out of gas, so I went to 
an ATM to see if I had any money left at all.  Art had said something about a 
little cash advance coming to each of us in the band from all the business we 
had generated, but I figured, sure, someday.  I was just hoping to find maybe 
$10-15 in my account.  But there was $20,000.  I knew that had to be wrong so 
I checked three times, but it wouldn't go away.  Just to test it I withdrew 
$100 and out they came.  Then I threw up.

The only reason I never drank myself to death was that I could never fucking 
afford to.  A hundred dollars in my hand--I did some quick math; how many 
bottles of booze could that buy?  Then I figured in the other $19,000 still 
in my account and I knew I was in trouble. I wanted to throw that money away, 
it scared the shit out of me!  So I scootered over to the AA house and just 
gave the whole $100 to them.  But I needed some money anyway so I had to 
withdraw again, took out $10 at a time after that. Figuring if I did start 
drinking I could probably survive one single bottle of whiskey.  

I talked with Maki about it and she promised to help me control my cash. She's 
from a pretty well-off Japanese family in Seattle, so she wasn't out to get my 
money, but she thought it was crazy not to use it for something other than 
alcohol.  She was right, natch: I'd gone crazy.  So we ate in some nice B'ham 
restaurants, went to the theater in Vancouver one night.  

Maki and I found that we needed each other, not so much for a romance, more as 
buddies.  She was pretty uptight about a lot of things, worried about 
appearances and behaving properly all the time.  You know, Japanese tradition 
of saving face.  Man, I still wanted to screw her so bad, but that was just 
like living with our band so it felt like business as usual. 

I went back and forth from Bellingham to Monroe for a few weeks, Melly and 
Liss thought I was finally getting lots of sex, but actually I was only 
going to AA meetings.
 
No wait, since I was in Bellingham anyway, I scootered the eight miles out 
to the Lummi Indian Reservation.  I finally began to feel guilty for 
putting off the research I was supposed to do for our Nokhon Nation Reserve 
Project, but wasn't very focused on getting results.  I tried to meet with 
someone from the tribal council but they were all off fishing.  Damn 
Redskins.

Over the weeks, Maki and I did keep getting closer, until she was letting 
me sleep on the same bed as her, but no hanky panky.  I got confused; she 
seemed to like me but not enough to really be my girl friend.  I considered 
giving up on her and finding someone else, but she was so damn cute that 
sometimes it was enough just to look at her fantastic slanty eyes and 
imagine her fantastic slanty pussy.

Finally I cracked.  I told her we needed to be lovers if this was going to 
go on, I couldn't take any more frustration.  She asked me to leave, so I 
started to.  Then she admitted that she did want to be lovers but was too 
scared of sex.  Not because she was a virgin, but because the one guy she 
had been with hurt her so bad, on purpose, a sadist motherfucker.  

So Maki Yoshida was fucked up, just like me.  I could relate to that, for 
which she was so grateful that she let me have her.  Just before your 
promise kicked back in.  Funny how that shit works. 

So that's been my life the last three weeks, until Saturday, when it all 
flipped over to the sunny side of the street.  Now I'm free to do what I 
want, and what I want to do is get working on that project of yours.. of 
ours.  

			*     *     *     *     *

Suddenly I could organize my plans: I called out to the Lummi tribal 
council before just stupidly driving out there, arranged a meeting.  That 
was easy when they heard WHO I was: THE Pokey Snowchild, suddenly-famous 
drummer of S&F, rock star, Injun hero, etc.  So I played that for all it's 
worth, natch, also later at other reservations.

I've been around Indian Reservations all my life, but never paid any 
attention to how they were run, legal status, which State and Federal 
organizations they had to deal with, all that stuff.  I had a lot to learn.  

The Lummi tribal council guys (and 2 ladies) were really helpful and 
friendly, but of course they did ask why I needed that kind of information.  
You know, to help pinpoint my research, and I had to say that it was 
confidential for the moment.  They all looked at me, at each other, and 
kinda chuckled, in a good way, I mean.  Mary Warstock, the forelady said to 
me, "you and that Bigfoot are gonna bring his people in out of the rain, 
aint'ya?"  They weren't stupid.

They also understood why we had to keep it quiet until it was too late for 
the lumber companies and big-money lobbyists to organize their opposition.  
Mary gave me a list of names for experts in tribal matters scattered around 
Washington State, who I should talk to-- and who I should NOT.

Since then I've been to Chehalis Reservation, Nisqualli, Puyallup and 
Shomomish.  I'll be going to the Spokan Reservation tomorrow, where I've 
been lots of times to visit my Uncle Willy and all my cousins.  They've got 
a hero's welcome waiting for me-- and a secret conference with the council.  
It seems like most Native Americans are hot to support the Nokhon Nation 
whenever it shows up.

Oh, Art and Elaine are loaning me their station wagon so I can take Maki 
with me. It should be fun.  

I brought My Girl Friend to our Hacienda today to introduce her to the girls 
and your folks.  Maki thinks they are all nice people... although there was a 
little friction about Liss and me talking dirty to each other.  Maki likes people 
to behave properly, you know.  

But she loved sleeping out in my teepee. In fact, that was the best sex 
we've had yet.  She finally let herself like it, get a little naked and 
wild.  Maybe our problem has been trying to make love quiet and sneaky in 
a girl's dorm where no men are supposed to be.  You think?  

			*     *     *     *     *

Listen Bro, I feel ashamed of ever having blamed you for my problem when 
it's been my own crock of shit to bear the whole time. When your magic cure 
petered out-- and then came back --I learned that there are no guarantees.  
That can happen anytime again and I need to be ready for it.  You made it 
too easy for me: because I could have one or two beers just like a normal 
person, magically immune to alcohol.  

But I'm an alcoholic: I should NEVER drink alcohol and from now on I never 
will.  Besides, Maki still can't drink, she doesn't have a magic promise 
so I'm not going to take a fucking drop of alcohol in front of her.  

I'm also going to give up complaining, it's time for me to grow up and be a 
real Indian Brave.  Time for me to deserve what your friendship has given me: 
nothing less than a life worth living properly.  I mean hey, I love a woman 
who loves me back; I've got real friends instead of barroom buddies; a Vision 
to help fulfill; work to do; music to make-- and oh yeah, I'm fucking rich! 

Thanks for saving my life Kemo Sabe, and I love ya.  Now come on home.

                 Sin-ful-cerely, yore bro
                 P. Snowchild, Injun Brave extraordinaire