Chapter 85: Our Babes in Hollyweird
E-MAILS from MELLY & LISSANDRA
wed aug 6
Hi! We made it in one--well, two--pieces: Liss and me. It was comical how hard
it was raining when we left Seattle and how HOT it is here in LA, sure lets you
know you're somewhere else.
An agent from Songmonger Records picked us up at LAX and delivered us to the
Rajah Hotel, downtown Hollywood. I can't believe they sprang for a penthouse
suite this luxurious, it's just crazy! Liss is down at the pool right now,
probably flirting with some movie stars, so I'll go join her in a bit. Maybe
help her flirt.
But we hardly even need to flirt; our social calendar is already filled up. We're
going to a dinner party this evening with those two executives we met at Si's last
month (I'm assuming it's only business, they weren't our types). Tomorrow we're
supposed to go to Cosmic Meaning Studios; they want to talk with us about a movie!
And of course, there's The Evening Show Friday. In fact we're going to have to
fight for a little time on our own for the next week. We want to see Disneyland,
at least and maybe Universal Studios.
I was resisting going on this trip, but now I'm glad Dad talked me into it. So
is Liss. I think we're going to have fun.
Love You All,
Melly (& Liss)
thurs aug 7
I talked with my Dad on the phone this morning. I guess you guys have already
heard about someone breaking into his house last night. Well, if not: he said
some guy (?) was waiting for him in the dark and--he thinks--MAY have tried to
SHOOT at him when he came in the door. He heard a double click anyway--and then
got the hell out of there and called the police! But all that got robbed was his
refrigerator, so it must have just been a hungry bum. Brrr, creepy!
Anyway, we ended up at a really decadent Hollywood party last night, which was both
fun and weird. I think of Liss and me as nice girls, but we got propositioned for
three different porno movies by two different very sleazy guys and one very
interesting lady. Although she was most interested in getting Addy to perform.
We also got hit on by way too many handsome guys to believe. At first I got all
excited about maybe even getting laid at last, take your pick. But of course,
we ended up alone in our hotel room. Well, except for each other.
Art & Elaine, I hope I'm not upsetting you by suggesting that I'm out to be
unfaithful to Addy. I doubt that I can even do that, but need to feel I have
the option. Also because I know he is NOT being faithful to me out there in
Squatchland. I mean, how could he? Violation of squatch culture, blah, blah.
So I don't know WHAT our relationship is right now; I think I was pretty badly
traumatized about what happened between us that night. So I love him in the
daylight and hate him in the dark: it's pretty weird. I totally miss him half
the time and dread ever seeing him again the other half. I guess it'll resolve
itself someday. Sigh, mope
But I was going on about what fun we're having in Hollyweird: we went to Cosmic
Meaning Studios today, where we met with a group of young independent indie
filmmakers who want to do a movie of Addy's life story. Liss and I tried to tell
them that Addy is only 21 years old, it might be too early for that. Besides,
we'd need Addy to be in on it and couldn't just promise that he'd be interested.
fri aug 8
Yes, this is the big day; we're going on TV tonight! Nervous, who US?
Wish us luck.
Any word on Dad's refrigerator-robber?
THE EVENING SHOW
from Los Angeles
Friday August 8, 7:00 PM.
Host, PAUL FARRAN.
FARRAN: All right, our first guests this evening are two lovely girls
from a small town in the Great Pacific Northwest. Monroe, Washington, famous
for having been the Home of the Baby Bigfoot. Well, that Baby has grown up
into a strapping BIG rock star, known all over the world as Adam Leroy Forest,
and these girls are in his band, known as Squatch & Friends, which has literally
become an overnight sensation.
Please welcome: Lissandra Cunnings and Melly Wielson!
(LISS and MELLY come out on stage, wearing contrasting dresses showing lots of
leg and bare arms, some bosom although rather demure by Hollywood standards.
Applause and a roar of approval from males in the audience. They shake hands
with FARRAN and sit on the sofa, looking perfect.)
FARRAN: Wow, you two look great!
LISS: Man, we should after that make-up session they put us through.
MELLY: But thanks anyway, for making us look good. And thank you
for inviting us to your show.
FARRAN: Well, we invited you because you two are so HOT right now--since
you've just had a phenomenal success with your new Live In Concert album...
MELLY: It's actually Adam's album. He wrote the songs, did a fantastic
performance, we just sorta helped.
FARRAN: Yes and we would have preferred to have had him here too, actually
the whole band, your drummer as well. But since Adam has mysteriously vanished
--reportedly into Squatchland, itself a pretty fascinating concept --you two
become even more interesting by default. And even more so because you have both
thrown yourselves into some kind of secret project, funded by potential revenue
from the album. It seems that you two are not just some bimbo back-up singers,
but players on another level. What's going on, girls?
LISS: Hey, who's not a bimbo?
MELLY: I'm afraid the secret project will have to remain secret for the moment,
at least until Adam comes back.
FARRAN: So when is that?
MELLY: Nobody knows, probably not even Adam, but we're hoping within a
month...or so. Can't promise anything.
LISS: Yeah, we sort of need him to go much farther. But that's exactly why
we could finally take a break and come to LA.
FARRAN: All right, but it's nice that you did come to LA. We've got a video
clip from the concert in Seattle that became the surprise album of the year, in
case there's anyone left who doesn't know about it.
(VIDEO: Full view of Band playing "I Like To Run", close ups of ADAM singing,
MELLY at the keyboard, LISSANDRA dancing around her bass, POKEY going
with the rhythmic flow. Then an overview of the audience, people excited,
dancing, kissing, clothes falling off. VIDEO ends, TV AUDIENCE applauds.)
FARRAN: Your concert seems to have had a very..er.. erotic effect upon your
audience. From what I've seen on Internet, people of all ages were getting very
MELLY: Yes, they did and so did we, it was magical. But even so, with all that
wild emotion, there was no violence. Nobody got hurt.
LISS: And then you shoulda seen the backstage party.
FARRAN: Yes, I think the tabloids were calling it Scandalous!
LISS: That's their favorite word, they can't get enough scandals.
FARRAN: Lissandra, there was some rumor about you and Scott Richter, the
lead singer from Chrome Pie...
LISS: Wow, a rumor? Now that does sound pretty scandalous when you put it
that way. You want the lurid details, right here on nation-wide TV?
FARRAN: (nods, leers) You heard it first here, folks.
LISS: Well, like you said, it was all SO erotic, everybody was turned on in one
way or another, so Scott invited me to his room-- along with 10 other people.
But since he and I were getting along real nicely, he took me aside and pulled
out his bright red... can I really say this on live TV?
FARRAN: Uh, I don't know. Go ahead, we can just bleep it.
LISS: Yeah, bleep the bleeping thing. He pulled out his bright red I-Pad
and showed me photos of his wife and kids on vacation at Yosemite. Cute kids.
FARRAN: So nothing really happened?
LISS: Oh, a LOT happened. Just not to me. So to Scott's wife--hi, Shirley!
you don't know me but I've seen lots of pictures of you and the kids--let me say
that all that rumor crap is untrue, you have a really loving and faithful husband.
(applause, the audience likes that)
FARRAN: And what about you, Melly?
MELLY: Me? Oh, I hope there are some good rumors about me!
FARRAN: There were a few witness who reported you being, er, inappropriately
affectionate with Adam, considering that he's a Bigfoot.
MELLY: (she rocks, as if slapped in the face, scowls and opens her mouth to
blast FARRAN on the spot) Inappropriately?
LISS: Oh-oh, you just screwed up, guy. Play it cool, Mel.
(FARRAN appears to be satisfied with the reaction he is getting)
MELLY: (looks to LISS, nods, very calm) Oh, Adam and I have always been
affectionate. We love each other, everyone knows that, all totally appropriate.
FARRAN: But you've always defined it as a brother-sister relationship.
MELLY: Have we? Actually, I don't think our relationship has a final
definition yet. Anything is possible.
FARRAN: Anything? Even...being lovers?
MELLY: You know, that question has been popping up since Adam and I were
in High School together. We look like such a cute couple, we must be one.
But I never answer it.
FARRAN: Why not?
MELLY: Because if I say NO, it's like saying I'd never be lovers with Addy
because he's a Bigfoot. Addy is very human and I do love him, far too much to
insult him like that.
If I say Yes, which might be entertaining for some of those free-thinking people
out there in national television land, I'd also be announcing it to some violent
crazies and racists who would consider it their right and duty to come and hurt
me--and Adam--for what they might call sodomy. I've met them.
FARRAN: Is that why Adam was shot last year?
LISS: Oh, that was a tricky question.
MELLY: Remember how innocent little Britney Spears was so young and
foolish as to admit that she was still a virgin at 16? From then on the
paparazzi hounded her; "Hey Britney, still a virgin? If not, who did you screw
and when?" Her private life was public property and the whole world saw how it
screwed her up. But she did it to herself by answering that first stupid
FARRAN: Melly, you have a long history of minor conflicts with the tabloids
and their paparazzi .
MELLY: Oh yeah, since before I was born. They published some nude pictures
of my mom sunbathing while she was pregnant with me. They've been after me
FARRAN: Oh that's right. Your mother, the movie star Sally Rathers--who
died so tragically--was also a popular paparazzi target. She never did live down
the Playboy pinup image.
MELLY: She had no intention of living it down, it was a smart career move.
LISS: Let's not forget her pretty-much nude scenes in a couple of movies, if we
really want to dwell on skin.
MELLY: Oh yeah, including Golden Angel, the movie she got an Oscar for.
LISS: Now that IS scandalous!
FARRAN: Yes, well. It seems there are now more nude pictures of you on
Internet than your mother. And now Lissandra as well. Are you girls really naked
all the time?
LISS: Hey, we're not naked now. (to audience) Or should we take our clothes off?
(roar of excited males)
FARRAN: Uh, that might not be prudent.
MELLY: Oh, we hardly need to bother anyway, anyone who really wants to see us
naked can just Google up hundreds of grainy photos secretly taken from some very
sneaky hiding places in the woods.
LISS: Yeah, there's a couple of guys who have found out where our favorite nude
beach is, so they hide up in the trees with telephoto lenses and wait for us to
show up. We've asked them to leave, everyone else on the beach is pretty tired
of them too, but it's all about money for them so they keep coming back.
FARRAN: So why don't you just stay away from that beach?
MELLY: It's our favorite place! Besides, who cares? If we were afraid of
people looking at our bodies we wouldn't go to nude beaches in the first place.
LISS: And besides again, we figure they'll get glut the market eventually and go
away. I mean, how many long-distant shots of the same two girls lying on towels
can you sell? Pretty boring most of them.
MELLY: I could understand it if we were actually posing for them, you know,
intimate close-ups. Playboy foldout, like my mom did.
LISS: Yeah, us being deliberately sexy. That might even sell.
FARRAN: And yet I've read that you've both been offered many opportunities to
do just that by various men's magazines, but have rejected them all. Why is that?
MELLY: Because it never was our intention to become sex-symbols--like that
bimbo-image to which you referred at first--we have other plans and might need to
be taken seriously.
LISS: Besides, we're sexy without even trying. Right, boys?
(affirmation from audience)
FARRAN: But you are two extremely beautiful girls new to the music scene and a
sexy image has always been a great advantage in any branch of the entertainment
industry. Since you both seem to have no moral qualms about nudity...
MELLY: (interrupting him, addressing audience) Has anyone else here noticed
how our Gracious Host has been asking us about sex and nothing but? If we're
having any and with whom? Has Liss committed adultery? Am I shagging a
Bigfoot? Was my mother ashamed of having once been a pin-up girl? And just
how naked do we really get at a nude beach?
(addressing FARRAN) I have no moral qualms about nudity, why should I? it's not
an immoral act to be undressed. My "qualms" are about the perverted perceptions
some people have of it.
For example: pictures never go away on the Internet. You can still find those taken
when I was 12 years old, the year my Mom died. The tabloids tried to make up a
child-abuse story about how my Mom and Dad allowed me to be naked around
Adam: an innocent little white girl and a Big Hairy Bigfoot on the same nude beach--
along with all sorts of other equally naked fellow Americans--scandalous!
But the tabloid got busted instead for publishing "indecent pictures" of a minor.
Actually, those pictures weren't indecent at all, bare-assed kids on a beach, so
what? But some people just have to see things that way.
FARRAN: Yes, well..
LISS: Anyway, that's all old scandals, we've been made aware of some newer,
bigger and better rumors about us. I like the one about all of us in the band
constantly having group sex. (she waves to the camera) Hi Pokey, yes, we still
MELLY: Yeah, Poke, wish you were here! (tossing kisses at camera)
LISS: Yeah, Pokey, poke poke poke...hey, I just figured out how come that
rumor got started!
FARRAN: We're going to take a break now, our sponsor wants to say something
of great interest to you out there. Next up: Charley Steen!
sun aug 9
Last night (Saturday) was six kinds of Hollyweird for us. Liss and I got invited
to a party at the Playboy Mansion, since "Hef" had seen us on THE EVENING
SHOW the night before and had been reminded that my mom had once been an
all-time favorite Playmate (just a brief 23 years ago!). I tried to ask Liss if we
really wished to subject ourselves to an evening of decadence and depravity, but
she told me in no uncertain terms that she would totally have to KILL me if I
turned down that invitation.
So there we were, surrounded by movie stars and famous artists and authors and so
many amazingly beautiful women that we both felt almost plain. Okay, not really;
we had decided to go for it and had spent the day shopping for clothes so that we
could hold our own and we were just about as sexy as anyone there. Got lots of
confirmations of that.
But of course, once we got there no one was interested in our clothes at all; we
were constantly being invited to hop naked into the Cave Room Pool along with all
the other nude Bunnies and Playmates. We were both tempted; it could be fun to
go for a swim and turn on all those famous men with our sexy young bodies. Forget
the Bunnies, Monroe chicks rule!
But an army of photographers was on standby, paparazzi stalking the halls, it was
a non-stop set-up for status-seekers and publicity-hounds. If either of us had
a teensiest accidental nipple-slip it would show up all over the world later that
evening and definitely in Playboy magazine next month. Normally, neither Liss nor
I really care about that stuff: if guys just MUST drool over us, that's cool.
But yes, just as we all agreed before we left, Liss and I actually may have to be
more careful about our public image if we're going to be taken seriously as front-
figures for our "Secret Project". Too bad, otherwise we could just go out and
screw a swath through Hollywood.
We met Hef. Actually, he seems to be a nice old man, polite to us anyway. A lot
of his sex-rep is probably just PR, standard media business. He did make a fuss
about how much I resemble my mom. It seems Hef remembers Sally Rathers quite
fondly, although I didn't ask for details. She was young once too.
mon aug 10
It was wonderful--and amazing--to hear that Pokey's been re-healed of alcoholism!
Could that mean Addy has gotten his orator abilities back? I hope so, since I
seem to have been the reason he lost them.
Today Liss and I went to a studio that specializes in music videos. Bo Wassabi
has directed some really cool dance & drumming videos, like "Another Time" by
Loose Cliffhangers. If you don't know that video (being totally un-with-it) you
can look it up on You Tube. Bo had lots of ideas for some truly cool video
sequences for several of our songs (and not just "I Like to Run")--but of course,
we would need Addy back to do them. So far, he's the guy we would go to. It was
also comforting that Bo was professional enough not to hit on either Liss or me.
That stuff was flattering at first but is now getting old fast.
Tomorrow we've been invited to do screen tests for a small part in a real movie!
Probably nothing will come of it, but it should be fun just to experience a
casting. Especially since we don't really care whether we get the parts or not.
It's an indie production, not a big studio extravaganza and I'd tell you the plot
but have no idea what it's about except that they need a good girl and a bad
girl--and that's Liss and me easy!
(LISS here: Me being the good girl, of course--can't you just see Mel as a real
We don't really have time to get involved in a movie though, since we've already
got a flight booked to Seattle this Wednesday. But we'll try out anyway, just
to see what happens. So we're supposed to be at the studio at 6:30 in the
morning (o God!). Maybe we should get some sleep tonight, for a change.
(LISS here: Naaah, why spoil a perfect run up to now?)
Hey, it's Full Moon tonight, wonder what Addy's doing, huh?
tues aug 12
News Flash! Don't go to SeaTac to pick us up tomorrow night, we won't be there!
We got the parts in that movie so we're staying another two weeks! I know how
crazy that sounds, but it's happening and we're going to roll with it.
We'll be filming in Death Valley starting tomorrow, actually the film crew has
been there all week doing pre-production, so we should be able to just pop in,
do our parts and be (theoretically) done in 10-12 days. You're not going to
believe the chain of coincidences that have lead up to this; it's just like our
magical concert in Seattle. I'm wondering if this is connected to Addy's vision
somehow, seems like magic is still happening.
For one thing, this movie is being directed by Stan Zevers (we'd never heard of
him either, but who's supposed to be one of the bright new hopes) so a lot of
hopeful young actresses had been lining up to try out for the two female leading
roles, a couple of hundred including a few established stars, we heard. They had
actors for all the other parts but still had to decide who the two girls were
to be, having narrowed their choices down to six applicants when we showed up.
They liked how we looked (LISS: who wouldn't?), they liked that we were already
famous from being in Squatch & Friends, but they weren't about to just give us
those parts if we stank as actresses.
(LISS: Mel's forgetting to mention that they also liked that she is the famous
Sally Rather's daughter!)
Anyway, we had to do readings, just like every other girl. I was nervous and
blew it a few times, so they weren't too sure about me. Liss was right on and
they got pretty excited about her sexy charisma. For a while I thought they'd
like her but not me. But they were still thinking of us as a boxed set, so they
had us do a reading together. Blonde, innocent little old me as the angel, of
course and dark dangerous Lissandra as the devil girl. It went okay, no mistakes,
we were better together. But nobody was convinced, least of all us.
Then Stan asked us to switch parts, to let Liss be the innocent one and me the
evil bitch. That threw me off--I mean, I'm ALWAYS the nice girl!--but Liss and
I went with it and had so much fun doing it that we got a round of applause--
and the parts!
Nobody knows the title yet, but the story is based on a comic book by some
writer/artist who calls himself "3R" and is about some symbolic happenings in
an otherwise believable story--everything means two things, kind of a mind-bender
with a twist ending. The two leading characters (as of now, played by Liss and
me) are an angel and a devil--those good and bad girls. It's set in Hell,
California (which actually exists!), where there's an church and a tavern and a
bunch of good old boys. A passing bus full of migrant Mexican workers breaks
down, a band of Hell's Angels show up, stuff happens. I mean, this is ART!
I know I said we weren't really interested in doing a movie, but that was before
we knew we would get to! Now just get out of our way, two up and coming
Hollywood starlets coming through! Death Valley, here we come!
Melly & Liss
mon aug 18
Hey Art & Elaine, our favorite old farts:
Liss here, using Mel's laptop, she's too busy to write to anyone. Busy having
fun, you'll be glad to know. Oh me too, but she's taken the lead for a while.
Which is good, she needs it. Otherwise, Mel's been trying to put on a bright
face ever since Adam--well, you know, last time they parted--I've read those
jolly-fun e-mails she's been writing to you.
But she can't fool old Mama Liss, she's still hurting and is RILLY getting kind
of screwed up about it. Just thought I should warn you guys, you're her family.
OUR family, I hope you don't mind me saying.
But for now, this movie adventure is a real kick for both of us. I have no idea
if it's going to end up being good or crap, could go either way, but being here
with all these actors and other freaks has been like Satanic Bible Summer Camp,
all one big party. We're about 25 people stuck in Death Valley together, half of
them about our age and how many of them are dickable girls? 2, right. Okay,
we've got a 45-year-old housewife running the food wagon, but she's not drawing
any fire away from us. Outrageous propositioning going on non-stop. If I'd
agreed to half of the offers I get I'd be bowlegged by now. Actually, I could
use a little bowleggedness by now, so why the hell don't I agree to some of them?
It's weird how Mel and I seem to be on some kind of celibacy trip together. Oh,
she's into the flirting, trying to insulate herself from Adam, but he's still
right next to her anyway and I don't think he's going to let any other guy take
her away ever. At least, I hope not, they belong together. Okay, I admit it, WE
belong together. You both know all about that.
But making the movie, that's what I really want to write about! (Before I say
too much that should be left unsaid.) The latest working title is "Welcome To
Hell". It seems to me that we're doing some good work here, I mean all of us,
cast and crew. Except for Mel and me, the other actors are all experienced and
good at their characters. When Mel and I play against each other we're good too,
high energy, lots of nerve. I've seen the rushes, they're not embarrassing at
But playing against other actors is harder for me, I lose my confidence, start
remembering what a complete amateur I am. I can't fool myself about how we are
being given a chance like this being because we deserve it, or that either of us
is any kind of natural talent. It's all because we're part of Freakfoot's
Except that Mel, once she gets into her Diavola character stays being scary and is
totally unlike herself. A hell of a lot worse than the bitch I was trying to be
in High School. She thinks it must be some version of "method acting", drawn
upon her experience with a real demon--meaning Adam, last time she saw him. I'm
wondering just how bad she was traumatized, if she can call that up so easily.
But off-camera she's still much less bitchy than me, so my rep is safe.
The plan is still to come home on Wednesday the 27th, should land about 5:45 PM.
If you still love us you could prove it by picking us up at SeaTac. Okay, bye.
PS from Melly
Whatever Liss wrote: I didn't do it...I hope. LYA