Chapter Three:     Happily Ever Afternoon


a MELLY & LISSANDRA team-report --1 October --

MELLY writing:
So we're starting the next book, great, I need a reason for keeping some kind of record. I haven't been writing anything down except for anthropology papers and NNP drafts, all very boring-- almost no sex or violence whatsoever!

LISSANDRA contributing
And hey, me too, me too; everyone's favorite eye-witless reporter chick! We decided that this stuff would be more fun to write as a team. A dream-team, that's us.

MELLY babbling:
A cream-dream-team, us being two sexy girls with an attitude. Well, at least Liss has an attitude, me--I'm just reporting the fucks... I mean the facts.

LISSANDRA seriously
Hey, I thought we were totally going to keep it clean this time. I mean, for once.

MELLY babbling even more:
Not a chance! We have reputations to uphold, standards to maintain: our audience (those few who have been allowed to read AOOE) has certain expectations of shamelessly honest reporting from us, baring our souls and boobs, describing every salacious detail of our fascinatingly decadent rock & Hollywood-star lifestyles.

LISSANDRA whatevering
What a relief! I was afraid we were going to continue being respectable icons and dignified spokes babes for the official NNP party line.

MELLY prying
Naw, let's do the other party line-- the Party-Hardy-Time line. So Miss Liss, how about an entertaining but semi-true eye-witness report: how's your sex-life?

LISSANDRA contributing
Hey, you should know, Mel, you were there. Oh, you want me to blab out all the erotic personal & private details? Well, okay: my sex life is... kinda okay. I mean RILLY kinda okay-- you were great last night, by the way. And that other guy? You know, the big hairy brute that worked us over so thoroughly?

MELLY responding
Oh yeah, the Bigfoot. Our go-to guy.

LISSANDRA nit-picking
Wait: isn't he more our come-with guy?

MELLY bragging
Well, I sure did. Never mind, do go on.

LISSANDRA rolling eyes
Well, he sure did.

BOTH sighing
Yeah. Yeah. Love that guy. Oh yeah.

MELLY
Maybe we should mention some of the other stuff that's been going on since either of us last wrote. Besides getting laid a hundred+ times, I mean-- although we are both really so happy about that FINALLY happening, especially after all the bad stuff that went down last year between me and Addy...

LISSANDRA
Yeah, Mel went crazy, if you recall, absolutely whack-o. Almost drove moi crazy too. She was on a hate rampage against poor little Freakfoot...

MELLY
Hey, not my fault! He infected me with a Syssk; I'd like to see you being "nice" if it was you! Besides, I got over it with a little help from our local Nokhon witch coven. And now we are living happily ever after.

LISSANDRA
It's true, folx, we are now honorary Sasquatch Witches and a Bigfoot's bitches, living happily ever for 6 weeks now. Or maybe we're actually both crazy now, it's hard to tell.

MELLY
Yes, yes, Liss and I share Adam, our Bigfoot Boyfriend, also along with Masnia & Magga, his two squatch girlfriends. That might sound kind of kinky-- but it's not, really-- or?-- well, at least it seems pretty natural for us. One big happy harem. Of course, our moral/emotional boundaries have become somewhat flamboozled since partaking in that mind-boggling Nokhon kha-rat under the full-moon. Oh, you remember: wild magical sex orgy, telepathic communion, spiritual visions; all part of the squatch culture with which we have become so deeply intermingled. At those times we share everybody present, both squatches and regular humans, without any jealousy or conflict. I could say it was a lot of fun, but also much more than that: it was cosmic, we got in touch with the Universe, and ended up fucking everybody there. At least twice each. So hey, it WAS fun!

LISSANDRA
Actually, you had to be there. And maybe not everyone would like it; it's pretty intimidating to offer your body to a crowd of sex-crazed Wookies, I mean, they're RILLY BIG and hairy. But also gentle and, well... kinda nice. A "human" woman might think that humping 20-30 humongous horny hairy guys with correspondingly GARGANTUAN erections would kill her, but it ain't so bad. No, not bad at all.

MELLY
Also actually, most normal men tend to be just as intimidated by those big squatch chicks going crazy with desire. Cold sober they might see them as ugly and dangerous monsters who could step on or crush them in the crowd, so they'd assume they could never get an erection to stand up anyway. But once they smell the shyøma they get into it, believe me. That's the freakily powerful aphrodisiac smell the squatch women produce at full moon. No one is a bystander once that smell hits their nostrils. All women become beautiful, men become sexual champions, everybody wins. Although by the time a kha-rat is done you do tend to be worn to frazzle.

But sex is not the only thing in our lives, no, no. In fact, now that Addy and I are past the awful drudgery of those years of involuntary celibacy we had to endure, we can just have a normal love life (yes, I'm calling us "normal") in which everything functions and sex is no longer such a big deal... as long as we keep on getting our fair ration of multiple orgasms day & night.

LISSANDRA
And we do, so it's all under control. Yes, we're young and in love, but we can also forget about sex... for hours at a time.

MELLY
You can?

LISSANDRA
No, not rilly. Minutes tho... maybe 3. Or 2. Maybe, dunno.


MELLY's personal report --

One of the other big things in our lives right now is the Nokhon Nation Project, which is not necessarily what we are most interested in at present, but we are all dedicated to making it work. And it is working, Nokhons are coming to us out of the woods and getting a taste of what life could be like for them in the good ol' USA. Not a lot of them, but some, and that's best for now while we are just getting their rights established, land for them to live on, employment for those who are interested, etc. Nice and slow. A landslide of refugee Sasquatches would just cause problems for everyone.

We're busy enough as it is. Between NNP politics and the business end of the Squatch & Friends Music Industry, AND anthro mid-terms at the University of Washington, I'm almost too busy to have a sex life (but only almost). Liss doesn't have mid-terms yet, but has enrolled and by spring quarter she'll be as deep in as I am. And the whole Hacienda Gang is just as involved: Art and Pokey are running the NNP Language Institute (that's what we're calling the school now); Elaine is Mom to everyone, squatches included; my dad is running the legal show; even the Sinsleys are actually becoming helpful.

But what Liss & I really WANT (now that the sex-thing is working out so well) is to get the music rolling again. Our band is straining at the leash. Since our big breakthrough concert last July we have become rich and famous, but also so busy that it's been hard to get any time to play music together. More land grant stuff for the NNP required Addy and my dad to fly to Washington DC last week (depriving us of sex for 3 whole days!--although Addy made up for it nicely when he got home again).

So we are really excited about our up-and-coming Los Angeles trip next month: we'll be doing a Squatch & Friends concert at the Rose Bowl, then be recording a bunch of music videos at a couple of studios in the area. And then we'll see if we can get away with a little vacation in Mexico-- a romantic honeymoon for Addy and his 4 new brides! Although a lot of people have been warning us about the Drug Cartel Wars, so we'll have to research that when the time comes.

I'm more nervous about the kha-rat next week: it's October and has been raining a lot lately and is rather cold. The last one (our first) was wonderful; perfect weather, just warm enough to enjoy rolling around the grass naked all night long. But an outdoors sex orgy all bundled up in rain clothes and galoshes might not be quite as titillating (or nipple-ting?). The squatches don't care, they have fur, but we'd probably all just freeze our asses off, catch colds, get sick and die.

I mentioned that to Art, who wants to go to the next one as much as we do. He said: "Maybe we can take it indoors; the Mead Hall is big enough. I know it's a break with squatch tradition, but we've also got November and December coming at us."

But Elaine said, "I don't know if they can get that contact-high with the moon while indoors. They don't do it inside Aket." Once again, Elaine is slightly hesitant about the whole kha-rat thing.


Wanna hear about my romance with Addy? Oh, I insist, let's do a recap:

For years I'd hoped and dreamed about Addy and me being lovers, living together-- and yes, having sex -- I even assumed we would someday be husband and wife. Bigfoot guy, human chick, so what? --our love was above such technicalities. I mean, really, this was an epic romance, cosmic stuff. I've loved him since I was 3 years old and lusted after his big hairy bod since 13. Actually, for years I'd wondered if I was a pervert, what I felt for him was way over the top and absolutely unrealistic. And then to be complicated and confounded because of that magical but evil promise my dad forced him to make when we were oh-so almost innocent adolescents. At gunpoint Addy had to vow "never to fuck" me, and him being a squatch Orator, he could never break that promise.

We've all forgiven Doug since then, although he's still having trouble forgiving himself-- but, hey, that's fair enough. Anyway, it ruined any chance of carnal happiness for Addy and me, doom, gloom. So finally we just accepted our fate of enforced celibacy and learned to live with it. I had some normal-guy boyfriends, Addy plugged into (literally) the squatch orgies at the kha-rats. So we compromised, but were still in love and still wanted to be able to make love with each other, that just never went away.

So I invited Liss into bed with us. Great plan, she was perfect: my BFF, his old flame, her with a rep for screwing anybody she felt like. She could do him for me and I could watch... or something like that. Instead we all fell in love as a celibate threesome. Nice, but mostly stupid and frustrating.

Finally Addy just SOLD that nasty old promise back to my dad; genuine Nokhon Orator Magic. So that Doug wouldn't commit shyøma-driven incest with his oh-so innocent daughter (me) along with every other woman at the kha-rat. And it worked, Addy was free at last!

But in all of my planning and wishing and hopeless heartbreak I had NEVER imagined how this was going to turn out: me one of four women loving, fucking, servicing, being serviced by, working and collaborating with my Bigfoot True Love. And had I ever imagined it, I would have expected to be... well, jealous, angry, unhappy, discontent: you know, love is supposed to hurt.

So I don't wonder if I'm a pervert any more: I KNOW. Because I'm just so happy about the way things are. I love my man and my co-wives, I wouldn't want things any other way. It's MAGIC!

And I do mean, actual magic: Liss, Magga, Masnia and I are now a coven. Of witches, yes. Sorceresses, female shamans, ju-ju mammas. The Nokhon definition: Sha-haka-ma. We are learning squatch women's ways together and it is not just some primitive voodoo superstition, it is functional manipulation of matter and energy, Girl Power up the wazoo. It's also very feminine-sexy, although definitely not lesbian in nature.

Our little harem gathers every day, we sit together in a circle, or a chain; each physically connected to the girl on our right with a finger in her pussy. Kinky, right? Or to the left, depends on which way we want the energy to flow. That might sound kinda lesbo-ish, but actually we do it because our marat is where certain neural systems converge-- yogis call it the sacral shakra --an energy point around which the haka flows.

There is also psychic power in our pussy juices. The squatch girls' monthly shyøma is the most obvious manifestation of that power, but there is also some kind of semi-telepathic catalyst in their wetness-- Liss and I now speak fluent Nokhontli since we started our witching-sessions with Magga and Masnia. And healthy? We're both getting stronger too, practically becoming squatches. Although I do hope we won't start growing fur all over our bodies.

We NokhSo chicks have magic pussies too, our pheromones are just more subtle-- although they have exactly the same general effect on squatches as shyøma does on us. (I remember how Addy would get all turned inside out by the smell of my-- and other girl's --twats in High School. Especially Lissandra's, as I recall. Poor horny baby.)

Having said we aren't lesbos, I must admit that the squatch chicks really like Liss's and my hairless bodies, especially butts & boobs. The way we look and feel is exotic to them, so they touch our skin a lot, nibbling, kisses, etc. We're all often naked, but they are bigger and all covered in fur, so both Liss and I like to sit cuddled in their laps like little girls. Mostly to keep warm-- winter is beginning to bite. All of which is pretty innocent compared to what happens when we're all with Addy-- no. wait, that's pretty innocent too, we're all just making genuine LOVE together. Guess I'm not a perv after all.

Damn, now I'm horny again and he's off to Olympia to speak at the State Capital. Oh well, he'll be back tonight. Since I'm First Wife I'll see if I can grab him first.


LISSANDRA, personal report

Okay, Mel wrote her silly report, my turn to give you the real skinny. Not that she's incorrect or imprecise; more that she forgot to mention the most important part: how our 5-person relationship works! I mean the hard-core sex-stuff you've all been waiting for.

I could hardly believe she left that open for me-- you all know how blatantly pornographic Mel can be when it comes to coming, 'specially about us having sex with Freakfoot. I'd expected her to blab out all our deepest personal erotic secrets, shamelessly disregardless of how embarrassing it might be for the rest of us. And leaving no juicy unmentionables for me to blab. I mean, she does that, and she does it well. But not this time. This time I get to do it. Sensitive porn-allergic readers might just skip ahead-- no, wait, don't skip --you probably need to read this.

So how does Freakfoot keep 4 women happy and satisfied at the same time? Does he have 4 dicks? Well, no, sorry. Even though he's a humongous hairy Bigfoot monster, he has only one dick. Granted, it's an impressive example of the species: big (yes), long, thick, a challenge to squeeze all the way into my own dainty little Marat (I usually have to stick my tongue out to make room for it at the other end), but still only one dick. Disappointing to learn, I know.

Well, I'm kidding, of course, he's like any other guy, just bigger and stronger--and a LOT heavier, so watch out. Getting squashed under a squatch means you're doing it wrong. Anyway, yes, we have had a few 5-sum sessions, and 3-sums more often. But normally he takes us on one at a time because he loves us each and enjoys proving it. That's nice too.

I suppose almost everyone has seen at least one clip from some porn video with 2 or 3 or 4 girls doing one guy, and probably decided that it seemed pretty ineffective and obviously boring for the girls waiting their turn with the guy, all the while faking horny O mouths for the camera. But the 5 of us rilly LIKE to do it all together once in a while; it's a party. I guess when you love all the participants you get off on sharing their orgasms.

I don't think I've ever really been in love before. Well, never like THIS, that's for sure. Maybe almost for Peter Sinsley when I was 16, but he turned out to be an asshole. And then I learned that he wasn't the worst asshole around, some guys were even more so, rilly. So I learned to protect my feelings by becoming a worse asshole than any guy out to score me. Of course, I was only interested in guys of the bigger & bastard asshole variety, so it was an endless spiral.

And now what? Do I deserve Happiness? Is this going to be my life? I'm hoping so, which is kind of scary. It means I actually have something to lose. I told that to Freakfoot and he said, "I don't ever want to lose you either, Liss, but the only way to avoid the possibility of that is to never want/love/have anyone or anything-- and then you've lost it all anyway." Oh, he's so wise!

Seems to me that most couples break up because they fall in love with other people --or maybe just dick some other person and jealousy does the rest. In this relationship, well... hah? Of course we'll dick other people, all of us--that's already history. Of course we'll have other love affairs-- I'm presently scheduled to have a fun-3-sum with Pokey and Maki, and I tend to visit Doug regularly and don't plan to stop. But I am NOT unfaithful to Freakfoot; all of this is about loving HIM. It's sorta built into our "wedding vows"... or would be if we were married. So maybe this free marriage will last. I hope.

Mel just said, "I hope so too". Then Freakfoot came in and was easily coaxed into doing us both, slow and sweet. It was amazing how there was no boring waiting, her and me just gliding smoothly over a quarter ton of muscle and fur, having multiple multiple more-and-more-gasms. It was good for Freakfoot too.

Anyway, that's our life right now. Kinda erotic much? It ain't so bad.







Chapter 4

Adam Into Babylon