Early in February Si Bintzen gave the band a pep talk: "You guys NEED to go on tour, you'll always be an amateur band if you don't. I know you're all busy with other stuff than music-- the NNP, University, yeah yeah --but now it's time that S&F became a first priority! You think you can create the music in a studio and do all your business online without bothering to get out there and suffer for your art! Total immersion is necessary if you want to become real musicians. It's not even about how much money you make-- sometimes you lose money going on tour, playing half-empty venues in the middle of nowhere. But when you come back to the studio you'll be able to make a better album. "Yeah, I know you're all horrified by the very concept of dedicating three months to driving around and playing a new gig every other day in 30 different cities all over the country. Yeah, it'll be grueling. But that's how you hone your music to a fine edge: instead of practicing you'll be PLAYING. "And it's also FUN! Besides, from what I hear you guys all get along really well in that party bus of yours. Think of touring more like play than work: like going on vacation for a change of scenery, or on safari just for the adventure of it! To do that you would have to spend money, not earn it." Going on tour was an idea the band had discussed many times, all agreeing that they would have to get around to it at some point, but Si was also absolutely right about them being reluctant to commit themselves to actually doing it. The idea of going three months constantly on tour was unthinkable, none of them were ready to drop everything and go on the road. But that was in February, there was snow on the ground and some of them were busy with academic projects and deadlines. Adam had finally gotten his bachelor’s and was starting on a Masters Degree in Anthropology, having almost caught up with Melly. Pokey was deeply involved teaching English to Nokhons. Melly and Lissandra were being approached by several movie studios, as were everyone in the band. In March Si sprang his projected S&F USA Tour Itinerary upon them: 35 concerts spread two-three days apart, from May to August, coast-to-coast, north-to-south. The kids balked, every one of them. Si took that in stride, saying, "Just think about it for a while." So they did, negatively, mostly. But as the weather got better and the pressure from their studies let up-- and as they were making very little progress writing any usable new songs in the studio --they began to romanticize the idea of going on tour. Their first trip to California and Mexico had been a positive experience-- except for a few nasty carteleros out to kill them --the idea of going on the road and completely dedicating themselves to their music began to appeal more and more. But 35 concerts still seemed like too many. And they all wanted to be home for the first summer at our new Naked Lake. They began readjusting the itinerary. "We all definitely want to play in New York, and have some free time there," Adam mentioned at some point, "Melly is the only one of us who's ever been there. Chicago, Boston, cool. We aren't so eager for Tulsa or Kansas City or dead-end small towns (not that we know what we're talking about). Anyway, we're starting to warm up to the idea of a concert tour." One consideration had always been to go on tour with another band, specifically Chrome Pie. The kids already had a rapport with them, especially Miguel deSanto, who had become an important element in the sound they wanted for S&F. The other guys in CP were also conversant at jamming with them and could easily mix and match performances with them. One big advantage was that CP already had the concert-tour-routine down, knew professional event arrangers who took care of all the petty details of legal contracts for each and every venue, taking care of transportation schedules, PR arrangements, producing flyers and posters. It could probably be arranged that they didn't even have to be in on every one of each other's concerts, which could allow some free time. Actually, S&F had been invited to guest-tour as backup band to several other groups, but their first loyalty was to Mike and his band. At least for their first real concert tour around the USA. In early March, Mike called Adam and announced that Chrome Pie was getting organized to go on tour from May to September and asked if S&F was up for going on the road with them. He knew they'd always been interested, but now it was time to commit to actually doing it. The band discussed it for about five minutes and unanimously decided to let it happen. They invited the entire Chrome Pie band to come up to the Hacienda and visit us for a weekend so that they could discuss the details in person. They had discussed sharing a tour before, but that had been "what if?", now they needed to talk about "how do we actually do this?" Chrome Pie accepted the invitation, not just the five band members but also their wives/girl friends & kids, since they were all interested in our Nokhon Nation Project and wanted to meet some real live sasquatches. So on a Friday evening late in March, Pokey, Maki, Mel and Liss drove out to Sea-Tac Airport in the tour bus to pick up nine Californians. Adam stayed home because it was always a hassle for him to show up in public, especially to be picking up a famous rock band and everyone involved wanted to be as incognito as possible. Of course, Pokey and the girls had become pretty famous too and might get spotted, but they can always disguise themselves, a Bigfoot can't.
POKEY narrates events of Friday, Feb 13-- Mike was the first to greet us, immediately getting attacked by squealy hug-hungry Melly, Liss and Maki, poor guy. What ya get for being a Latin Lover, I suppose. I greeted the rest of the band with much more noble Redman dignity & stoicism, mostly trying to avoid getting noticed by any roaming paparazzi. Our guests were: Scott Richter and his wife Shirley, their two kids, Billy & Sandi. Lee Springer with his supercute superyoung girlfriend Bunny along for the ride. Charlie Madison was accompanied by his pre-teen son Willi. Benny Joe came unattached and kinda eager to get in on the action Mike was getting with Mel and/or Liss. We stopped in at Si Bintzen's downtown Seattle office on our way back to Monroe, just to re-introduce everyone and confirm a time for the official meeting next day. It was after working hours but Si and a secretary were still there, managing and arranging things for Squatch & Friends. Most likely because I'd told him we might come swinging by with the guys from Chrome Pie and he wanted to show them his Seattle office and maybe impress upon then what a diligently hard-working manager he was. Si was always ready to do a little extra PR. He'd met them all last year at the Paramount Northwest concert, when both our bands had played together. Of course, back then we'd only been the backup band, a bunch of nobodies who'd gotten the lucky break of being allowed to share a scene with the mega-famous Chrome Pie. Now, less than a year later, it was a draw as to which band was the more popular & famous, which Si couldn't help politely pointing out (just doing his job). But we fellow musicians had already established that both bands would get equal billing, since we had plans to mix and jam as if we were all one big band, at least for some songs. Si accepted that as gospel, but reminded us that we needed to pinpoint several legal details into contract form before we went on the road. Scott Richter agreed with Si, saying, "Right, that's what we're here for." We arranged to meet next day at the Hacienda around 2:00 o'clock.
* * * * *Back home at that Hacienda, Art and Elaine had a semi-banquet (mostly vegetarian) waiting for us, since we were to be a party-sized crowd. They were eight folk at home, plus our bus full of thirteen when we arrived from Seattle, so we needed a table for 21. Which was no problem out in the Mead Hall. It was still a little too cold to be eating outside, especially for guests just arriving from warmer Los Angeles. The guys in Chrome Pie and family had met Nokhons before, at least Adam and Magga and Masnia, so they weren't freaked out to be sitting at a dinner table with five hairy squatches, including Masnia's parents, Dabronat and Malasna. The three pre-teen kids were kinda intimidated by our Bigfoot buddies at first, until they heard them speak English and then they could relax; pretty sure there were no wild monsters at the dinner table. Actually, those kids were already hard-core S&F fans and accepted Nokhons as part of the package. After eating, we gave the Californians a tour of our sound studio upstairs, then outside for a walk through the woods to the Refugee Camp, where they could meet some "still wild" Nokhons who were trying to decide if they were interested in the American Way of Life. But none of them spoke very much English yet, so it was just a smile-&-nod meeting. By then it had become dark, but Adam led the way through the trees, lighting up the night with a little "floating flame" that dangled in the air about five feet in front of him as we walked. This was an example of Sha-haka magic he'd learned during his last stay in Aket, altho we don't explain that to anyone. Our guests were all super-impressed by that little trick, to say the least. They all tried to touch that tiny flame, which looked so real, flickering like a burning candle-- but there was no fire, no wick, no candle to touch-- and the light wasn't hot at all, not even warm. There was nothing there, like virtual reality. Adam told them it was "just an illusion of light", like a hologram, but done without technology. Which boggled a few minds. But since we could all SEE where we were going, it had to be real. Real magic. Our guests could only consider it a pretty good trick and accept that a magician never reveals his secrets.
* * * * *Back in the Mead Hall, the PA system was turned on, guitar amps screwed up. and our two bands started playing music together. Mostly jamming some blues. It started out pretty informal and half-assed, considering we were all supposed to be professional musicians, but everybody was politely trying to give the other guys a chance to shine and not go on our own ego-trips. It got better after some drinks for the guys in CP, when ego-trips finally took over. Adam and Mike did some of their Mexican stuff for a few minutes, but they didn't want to ego-trip either. Maki and I are both alcoholics, we pretty much HAVE to avoid alcohol, so when the drinking starts we tend to drift into the background. Adam and the squatch chicks aren't interested in alcohol, and altho Mel and Liss do drink occasionally, they rarely get drunk. But the guys in Chrome Pie are still into the full-blast decadence of the Classic Rock Star lifestyle, which is one of the things we have to balance with if we're going on tour with them for two or three months. Except for Mike, we don't really know these guys very well, mostly by reputation. Sure, we'd played music with them at our big concert last year and met them again at Mike's place in LA a few months ago, but now we were talking about spending 3-4 months non-stop with them on the road. We knew that we were two different kinds of band, they were pop rock, we were more or less folk, with different approaches to music and behavior. Did we even want to tour together? Scott was definitely the leader and level head, married with kids, a true professional and a nice guy. We didn't expect any trouble with him. Lee was young-- which is to say about a year older than me --but firmly attached to his beautiful but legally underaged girl friend, who he was trying to slip under the radar of the Morality Police, so he wasn't trying to make waves. Charley and Benny Joe were the ones who concerned us. Both infamous for unacceptable behavior, much like myself before I met Maki. But Mike assured us they were okay. Usually. Although there was already a problem with Benny Joe that we had to fix right away. He was aggressively interested in either Melly or Liss, whichever one of them who wasn't Mike's property. And why not, as far as he could see they were free for grabs, since Adam's relationship with the two of them was still a secret to the public, and since Mike hadn't told anyone about the intimate details of our bus trip thru Mexico together, not even to his band. But it was obvious to them that Mike had a powerful flirt going on with all the girls of S&F, which could be taken to mean that they were available to any rock star-- like Benny Joe, for example. I made it clear that Maki was MY girl friend, but couldn't also lay claim to all the others, including Magga and Masnia. The truth is that they're all with Adam, but that's not a truth we want to share with the world. Or even with Chrome Pie, at least until we get to know them a lot better. There are racists and moralists who would love any excuse to do Adam some damage. The thing is, none of us wanted to extend the membership of our little "love club", not us guys and especially not the girls. It didn't help that Benny Joe had a bad reputation for mistreating groupies, so none of our girls were interested in flirting with him. But we didn't want to alienate him. He and I both being drummers, we already had a competitive/confrontational thing in play. Casual and friendly so far, but Benny Joe could be temperamental. He's a bit of a biker: tattoos, tough-talking, sometimes violent when drunk, I'd heard. Not that I was afraid of him-- at least, not with Adam nearby. But it turned out to be a non-problem, Melly took care of it. Benny Joe did try to cuddle up to her while Mike was elsewhere talking with Liss. I'm not sure exactly what she said to him, but he straightened up his act right away. Later I found out that she'd warned him about how unreasonably jealous Adam could be of anyone paying too much attention to any of HIS girls. Benny Joe was confused, saying that Mike was all over everybody, so Melly explained that Adam was friends with Mike and considered him harmless, just being affectionate, etc. Anyway, Benny Joe really did not want a Bigfoot getting pissed off at him. Everyone went to bed about midnight. With nine guests even the Hacienda can run short of guest rooms, so we all reshuffled a bit. Melly and Lissandra gave up each of their rooms to Scott and wife, Lee and Bunny, while Charlie and Benny Joe got cots out in the Mead Hall. Maki and I kept our room, not about to go out to our teepee in March. Mell and Liss took Adam's bedroom, he went out with Magga and Masnia to sleep in Dabronat's new bakhl. All this because we were still trying to keep our scandalous sex life semi-secret for the moment. Art & Elaine kept their bedroom, of course, they were still allowed to have a sex life (if they wanted to, being so old). All the kids were happy to go out and sleep in our tour bus. Oh, and Mike? Well, he was out with Charley and Benny Joe on a cot in Mead Hall. Must have been a blow for him, since he'd probably been hoping for an orgy-- or at least a nice cozy evening with one or all of our harem. But we had to be discreet and he knew it.
* * * * *Next day, after a long drawn-out breakfast in the Main House, we actually played some music. This time we were more methodical about who plays what, instead of everybody playing lead all at once. Eight musicians can make a lot of noise if they don't give each other room to play. Scott took over as the leader, assigning us parts to play, working out lead riffs, melody lines. It started to sound pretty good. Si Bintzen arrived at 2:00pm, as arranged, and we held the meeting we needed to hold.
SI BINTZEN notes On Saturday, the 21st of March, I met with the two bands, Squatch & Friends and Chrome Pie, to draw up a contract for a proposed concert tour of the USA, which they would perform together. The meeting took place at the Forest Hacienda just outside of Monroe, Washington and was attended by the principal members of both bands as well as their business managers, being myself and Mr Herb Devers. The first point to be settled was that all parties involved were in agreement to cooperate on said concert tour, entailing the sharing of equipment and expenses, and it proved to be so. The projected tour would transpire over several months, traversing approximately 25-30 states as well as some Canadian provinces. The very next decision that needed to be agreed upon concerned the size and scope of the concerts: would they aim for the smaller, intimate music venues, audiences of under a thousand? Or shoot for the big amphitheater productions for 10-20 thousand spectators? Of course, there was more money in the big productions, but also more effort and expense, craving bigger sound set-ups, more lights and equipment, film/video systems, in turn demanding larger crews, more transportation vehicles. Fireworks, merchandising, each expansion of the production concept could require yet more employees to facilitate. quotations transcribed from recordings of the meeting-- SCOTT: Yeah, so you can also lose your shirt if you don't fill up those big amphitheaters. Go ahead, ask us how we know. BENNY JOE: Yeah, but it's fun. CHARLIE: Actually, it's a hassle, I prefer doing a smaller show. You got a lot more cozy with the fans. BENNY JOE: Yeah, especially the most important fans-- the chicks. ADAM: I also tend to favor the smaller, more intimate scene, without all the gadgetry and pomp. Can't we just play our music without a big Hollywood production? At least for our first tour. His S&F band members agreed and CP accepted. It was decided that elaborate light-shows, digital effects and spectacular pyrotechnics were incompatible with the kind of music they would be playing this time. Maybe later on. It was also decided that the productions would be aimed for the 1000-3000 seat shows. And that the tour's official brand name would be the Chrome Squatch Concert Tour USA. It was agreed that each group would ride in their own live-in buses, and that most of the stage equipment (sound & lights) would be transported on a semi truck accompanied by another bus of 8-10 roadies to set up the stages ahead of them. Normally, CP tours in one passenger van with a trailer for equipment, and stay in hotels, but this tour would demand another approach, since they would have twice as much equipment. Besides, sasquatches could not expect hotels to accommodate their size. It was mentioned that the Rolling Stones toured with 120 roadies, 12 passenger busses and 50 transport trucks. But they were playing in the mega arena venues for 10- 20 thousand spectators every show. None of us needed-- or wanted --so much paraphernalia and hassle. An itinerary had to be decided on. Chrome Pie had already arranged to perform at Levi's Stadium in Santa Clara, CA on the 1st of May as well as at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena on the 3rd of May. Squatch & Friends, having played at the Rose Bowl no more than five months before, would rather pass on those destinations at that time (ART notes: a secret reason had to do with the Full Moon, due the 4th of May). It was agreed the two bands could meet in Salt Lake City, Utah for a shared concert on May 8 and commence their tour together from that point, towards Denver, Kansas City, Des Moins, St Paul, Chicago, dates and venues to be determined as they become booked. It was agreed that Chrome Pie's manager, Herb Devers, would assemble the tour itinerary, as he had already booked several music venues where they had played before. The preliminary itinerary follows:
(just CP)
May 1, fri - Levi's Stadium - Santa Clara, CA
May 3, sun - Rose Bowl - Pasadena, CA
S&F joins (after Full Moon May 4)
May 8, fri - The Depot - Salt Lake City, UT
May 11, mon - Paramount Theater - Denver, CO
May 13, wed - Starlight Theater - Kansas City, MO
May 16, sat - Hoyt Sherman Place - Des Moins, IA
May 19, tues - Palace Theater - St. Paul, MN
May 22, fri - Chicago Theater - Chicago, IL
May 24, sun - Indy 500 - Indianapolis Speedway
May 25, mon - Hilbert Circle - Indianapolis, IN
May 28, thurs - The Fox Theater - Detroit, MI
May 30, sat – Roy Thomson Hall - Toronto, ON
XXXXX (June 3, tues Full Moon)
June 6, sat - Théâtre Saint-Denis - Montreal, QC 10.
June 9, tues - Boch Center - Boston, MA
June 12 & 13fri & sat - Madison Sq Gdn - New York, NY
June 13, sat - Sat Eve Live - NYC
June 16, tues - Boardwalk Hall - Atlantic City, NJ
June 19, fri - The Anthem - Washington, DC
June 21, sun - Stage AE - Pittsburg PA
June 24, wed - Ohio Stadium - Columbus, OH
June 26, fri - Mercury Ballroom - Louisville KN
June 28, sun - Scottrade Center - St Louis, MO
XXXXX (July 2, thurs Full Moon)
July 5, sun - Ryman Auditorium - Nashville, TN
July 7, tues - New Daisy Theater - Memphis, TN
July 10, fri - Mercedes-Benz Stadium - Atlanta, GA
July 13 & 14, mon & tues - Amway Center - Orlando, FL
July 17, fri - American Airlines Arena - Miami, FL
July 22, wed - Raymond James Stadium - Tampa, FL
July 25, sat - Mobile Civic Center - Mobil, AL
July 27, mon - Mercedes-Benz Superdome - New Orleans, LA
XXXXX (July 31, fri Full Moon)
Aug 4, tues - NRG Stadium - Houston, TX
Aug 7, fri - AT&T Stadium - Arlington, TX
Aug 10, mon - Gila River Arena - Glendale, AZ
Aug 14, fri - Paramount Theater - Oakland CA
maybe?
Oct 11, sun - Rexall Place - Edmonton, AB
Oct 14, wed - Rialto - Vancouver, BC
Oct 15, thurs - CenturyLink Field - Seattle, WA
Oct 17. sat - MODA Center - Portland, OR
Oct 19, mon - SAP Center at San Jose - San Jose, CA
(just CP)
Oct 24, sat - MGM Grand Garden Arena - Las Vegas, NV
Oct 27, tues - CA Forum - Los Angeles
quotations transcribed from recording-- ADAM: I have to mention that our two squatch girls, Masnia and Magga, won't be able to do concerts on a Full Moon, and that they'll be unavailable for 3 days before and 3 after every Full Moon.BENNY JOE: Why? Do they become werewolves?" ADAM: Almost. Actually, it's a squatch female thing, having to do with their menstrual cycle. SCOTT: Oh... uh, that does sound kind of messy. MIKE: You have no idea. (careful not to elaborate) SCOTT: Still, that's a pretty unhandy condition, X-ing out a week of every month. We can't just hang around waiting for a week at a time. ADAM: Of course not, but you guys could squeeze in a couple of concerts without us. Or at least without Masnia and Magga, the rest of us could still perform. CHARLIE: That might be okay, although those girls are really pretty popular, according to Mike-- maybe more so than all the rest of us put together. We could be disappointing the hysterical young girl crowd. BENNY JOE: And we want all the hysterical young girls we can get. Can't the squatch chicks just get some jumbo-XX-sized tampons? ADAM: Ha! But no, that won't do it. It's a Nokhon thing, ancient tradition, secret ceremonies, etcetera. SCOTT: There's something you're not telling us. ADAM: True, because it IS a secret-- at least until we decide to go public with it. For the moment, however, it's a non-negotiable condition, sorry. LEE: Wow, a mysterious bigfoot secret? Cool. I can roll with that.
That conversation addressed a major problem with integrating Nokhon females into American society: how to control Shyøma without sequestering them for a week out of every month. We were pretty sure a jumbo-triple X-sized tampon wouldn't do it, but we had never tried. Nokhon females don't bleed during a full moon, they just smell different. Pheromones, of course. Most of the erotic effect is caused by odorous juices flowing from the vagina, but even the females' sweat and breath becomes erotically enticing. So we experimented. We've always kept a good supply of those little blue flowers, which when eaten reduce Shyøma's power enough to keep people from overdosing-- or dying. Shyøma is essentially a poison, specifically a kind of nerve gas. We've had the flowers analyzed at a lab in the Anthro Department, but haven't yet found a way to isolate and synthesize the effective ingredients. Lucky for us, the flowers are pretty common and are easily stored in dried form. We tried a hand-made tampon, rolled from those little blue flowers, to see if they would reduce the erotic impact of shyøma, but it was no more effective than a tampon rolled of standard cotton. Those did help, but not enough to let a flowing female loose on stage in front of a bunch of naturally horny college students. So then we experimented with plastic underwear, to be hidden under the white campesino pajamas, sticky-sealed to contain any sexy smells. That also worked to a degree, but was uncomfortable and irritating to Nokhons who had never worn clothes in their lives until now. The experimentation took time because things could only be tested once a month, when the Shyøma was flowing. We found that we could reduce the smell, but never quite eliminate it completely. But at least all the mistakes we made playing ended up being inspired,
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