Chapter Fifty Seven:     Salt Lake City

Chrome Squatch Concert Tour USA
May-August

Melly reporting--
Wednesday, May 6

Okay, here we go once again, Squatch & Friends on the road in our rolling whorehouse: 2 guys, Addy & Pokey; 5 girls, Maki, Liss, Magga, Masnia and myself, Ms Melly Anne Wielson. Seven passengers, so far, but Mike will be hopping on later. We've started out upon our Great Concert Tour of the USA. First destination Salt Lake City, where we're going to meet up with Chrome Pie this Friday for our first concert in 29 cities on this USA tour.

As is our tradition, we'll be taking turns to chronicle each city's adventure on this encrypted laptop, to be added to The Document. Carefully edited versions (pretty much a la Disney) will be posted on our website for public consumption. Just now we're rolling SE out of Washington State, having already crossed the Cascade Mountain Range and passed Yakima, soon to be passing Pendleton, Oregon. Now on Highway 84, blue skies, looks like a smooth cruise ahead.

It's about 2 o'clock on a Wednesday afternoon and we've been driving for all of six hours, so I'd better fill you in (whoever you are) on all the exciting things we've done and seen so far on our voyage. Up to now, mostly sleeping. Oh yeah, and maybe even some sex (as mentioned, this is not the version we post on our website).

Speaking of sex, we've all just survived another Kha-rat (Monday overnight), which we had to deal with before we could start our trip. I don't think I'll bother with a blow-by-blow of the Kha-rat, except to say that the weather was kind so it was pretty nice. The usual orgy happened, you know the routine. Here on our faithful old bus, there's still some hefty vestiges of shyøma whifting around and we are together with everybody we love, so the yøramma-ing is even nicer than at a Kha-rat. Much more laid back. And the miles do fly by.

But still, I'm looking forward to the shyøma wearing off, maybe tomorrow-- just how much sex does a person really need? Like I said, it's been nice but now I'd like to read a book or just watch the scenery flow by, something other than constant insatiable desire. I want to cut back down to my usual 2-4 fucks a day, which I consider just about right. And so does everybody else.

But naturally, we had to wait for that full moon to pass before leaving on our trip because we'd really better not do concerts while Magga and Masnia blast our audiences with their shyøma and cause an orgy. The audiences might enjoy it at the time but afterwards they'd probably get pretty mad, considering that they're mostly a gathering of strangers not so interested in infidelities, STDs and unwanted pregnancies. So we stayed where we could have an orgy and get it over with: no use letting a good Kha-rat go to waste. Even so, now that we're on the road we'll probably have to wait at least another day before we can air out this bus in public.

So we're driving straight to Salt Lake City, even though it would have been advantageous to include a couple of concerts along the way. We had invitations to Missoula and Idaho Falls, both more or less on our route, but we don't dare stop anywhere until our squatch chicks stop smelling so nice. The plan is to meet Chrome Pie for a 2:00 pm sound check at The Depot music hall in Salt Lake City on the 8th of May, which should work out to be perfect timing, smell-wise.

But first we have to endure 800+ miles of highway between us and there, about 12 hours if we drove nonstop. Which we won't, we've got 2 more days. Lucky for us we love our luxurious tour bus, with our beds and luxurious lovers in them. Let's see-- maybe I'll go yøramma Addy again, he should be done with Liss by now.

-- Oops, Magga and Masnia have already slipped in, so Addy's occupied. Pokey's driving at the moment, so I'll have to do without a dick for a while, hope I can control myself. A drag having only two guys available for the five girls on this bus. Hmm, Maki's trying to sleep, but she's probably willing to be bothered for a little bit of girl sex. Unless she's with Liss. I'll be glad when we meet up with Chrome Pie and can get Mike to take his share of the male responsibilities on this pussy wagon. Of course, by then the shyøma will have dissipated and it won't matter so much. But still.

Oh, I'm so IMMORAL, I know. Or am I AMORAL? Actually, I don't care as long as it feels good, either will do.


Later, same day.

Weather has been good so we've made good time, although we don't want to be arriving at Salt Lake City too early, since there'd still be some shyøma floating around our squatch chicks. So we decided to make an overnight stop at Boise National Forest. We had considered sight-seeing Craters of the Moon, but there might be too many tourists there and it was a bit out of our way. We needed isolation, for at least one more day.

So we have to avoid the popular campgrounds, but it's early enough in the season that we managed to find a small lake all to ourselves, tucked well into the woods. Beautiful sunset on the lake, mountains around us, scenic and idyllic; but no other people, perfect! We took our 2 foldup tables out and set them up, cooked a dinner on our bottled gas camping stove-- even squatches like vegetarian spaghetti with tomato sauce, lots of onions & garlic, green peppers. Camping!

Of course we had to wonder if there were any Nokhontli in those woods. According to Addy, who had done a lot of Bigfoot Sighting research when he was younger, there had been some reports in that area, but they could have been false, since most sightings are. But those woods felt just right; thick foliage, dense forest, remote location far from any houses, quiet. Our 3 resident Nokhontli called out a few times to see if any squatches responded, but got nothing. The thing is, squatches are hard to find: even for other squatches. Especially if they show up in a skesk-bus. So no Bigfoot sightings for us. Which was okay, we had plenty of our own.

There was just enough shyøma floating around us to power one last sweet little orgy in the big bed in the back of the bus. Who needs wine? Our two guys were maybe slightly outnumbered by us 5 girls, but they did their best, which-- still somewhat shyøma-powered --was pretty good.

The not-so-good thing about shyøma-sex is that you have millions of orgasms, but are never quite satisfied, you always want more, more... But finally, after 2-3 days of bumping and grinding, the effect dwindles away and you are done. Free from desire. What a relief! We all fell asleep in a happy, cozy clump.


Thursday, May 7

What a good night's sleep! In other words, no irresistible sexual craving to wake us up again and again, not even in the morning, when I usually wake up horny with or without shyøma. The Ma-mløt-klys was done with us for this month. Maybe I can have my virginity back now... although unlikely, considering.

I checked in with the Hacienda on Skype. We're planning to make that a routine, usually about 10:00 every day-- or every other day; we'll see-- we're not driving in to a war zone this time. Elaine took the call; Art and Dad were out doing Nokhon things. Neither of us had any big news to report, but Elaine's kind of my mommy now so it was fun just to see her face and be like two teenage chicks telephoning their BFFs.

It was a beautiful day, we were in no hurry, figuring Salt Lake City being about 4 hours drive away and we didn't have to be there before the middle of the next day. So we relaxed for most of that day, went swimming in a handy lake, took a walk in a cozy forest, made dinner outside and ended up staying the night again.

No one was interested in sex all day long. It was wonderful.

Although when we all went to bed I had to kiss Addy good night and so did Liss, so we did it together. Pokey and Maki went to their "room". Being squatches, Magga and Masnia went off to sleep in the woods outdoors, so they were the only ones who actually did manage to refrain from sex. But when they came back in the morning they insisted that Addy service them, which he did gladly, so we were all back to normal. Well, normal for us perverts.

I hope I'm not boring you with all this erotic silliness, I mean, why should you even care about our intimate lives? It's just that even without shyøma whiffing around we're all still in love and I never could be near Addy without getting a little horny. I promise to stop... soon, maybe tomorrow.


SALT LAKE CITY -- The Depot, Friday May 8
LISSANDRA taking over, May 8

We started driving at 8:00 am, calculating that Salt Lake City was about four hour's drive away and we were supposed to be there by 2:00, giving us a good 2 hours leeway.

Freakfoot took a turn at driving, so Pokey was available, but absolutely no one was horny today. Thank Gawd!

We were too busy enjoying the scenery whooshing past us. After Highway 84 being kind of boring for miles and miles, the landscape suddenly got all mountainy (the Wasach Range, according to our map) and the freeway turned into 8-lanes of swooping and roller-coastery racetrack all the way into Salt Lake City! Approaching the town from the North is kinda spectacular, big frost-topped mountains all around us. The town itself down in a valley, looking pretty flat, not many tall buildings until all the way downtown. Everything looked clean and orderly, maybe kinda boring, ruled by Mormons, I hear. No real surprises, even though none of us had ever been there before. We were definitely in America: Denny's, Burger King, 7-11, etc. I was surprised to see palm trees and an old-fashioned trolley car. And strip clubs (Mormons allow that?)

We found The Depot music hall without a problem, Pokey had programmed it onto our GPS. It was still closed, we were too early but that was good. We ate a bread and cheese lunch inside the bus rather than go into a downtown eatery with 3 squatches.

The Depot is a popular music venue right downtown, audience capacity of 1200, which should be about right for the kind of concerts we have in mind. It was a 4-story brick building, actually part of an historic old Union Pacific train station, sounded perfect. But then we discovered that it was for adults only, because they served drinks, and a major clump of our newest fans are now teenage girls --due to Magga and Masnia. We didn't want to lose those fans and thought we'd have to find another venue. But when we talked with the Depot's management they were so eager to have us come and play that they opened one of the floors to a younger crowd for the first time ever. All tickets had been sold out, so there was already some built-in frenzy about this concert.

The Chrome Pie guys showed up a bit after us, in two busses and a big equipment truck. We were still early, so we had time to socialize before sound check and rehearsal at 2:00. Mel and I jumped Mike, as usual, but tried not to be TOO indiscreet. Yet. Rilly, we behaved almost civilized. "Señor Miguel de Santo? Oh yes, I do believe we've met before, haven't we?"

CP also has a live-on bus, 6 on board, although Mike would be moving in with us. Lee Springer's girl friend Bunny was along for the ride, which was a surprise. We'd met her before, in California, when she'd seemed too young and helpless to be of any practical use, but the idea was that she'd sometimes serve as bus driver and gopher. Nobody gets to be just a passenger on a concert tour, it's just too expensive. Mel and I decided to back her up, since she's the only chick with their all-male band bus and that's got to be intimidating.

Scott Richter and Charlie Madison are Chrome Pie's grown-ups, they seem to have a grasp of the rock & roll business and know their way around the touring circuit. Benny Joe acts more like an irresponsible kid who thinks it's fun to be naughty. Lee seems a lot more mature, even though he's gotta be about 15 years younger than anyone else in the band.

But there was even more to our new extended family: the road crew. We met our Tour Manager, Ewan Shandler, originally an "Ozzie" from Australia, who was this grizzled biker-type über-roadie in charge of all the details of a tour that we musicians have no time or patience for. He was Chrome Pie's go-to guy from many times before and they considered him good at the job, so that was cool with us. A striking looking older guy, decorated with tattoos, rings in his ears & nose, long hair but well-trimmed beard, and looking surprisingly fit and sexy for a man in his late 50's. And of course he talked just like an Aussie should, with a Crocodile Dundee accent and all sorts of funny ways of describing things. He had his own Harley chopper along for the ride, tucked away in the big truck. I liked him.

Besides Ewan we met his crew of 6 roadies (two of them women) to help with the toting of barges and lifting of bales. Most of them were young, in their twenties like us, one in his 40's. But being a muscular grunt is not enough for a modern roadie, they all had to multitask, so most of them had educations and technical skills. Don (a rilly handsome guy just about my age), was CP's established Sound Man. Freddy (oldest at maybe 40, a chubby nerd, kinda shy), was our stage lighting expert. Gene (black guy, tall, elegant, mid-20's), tech & computer expert taking a break from college. Osmond: big & beefy older guy, professionally scary (maybe ex-con?) but actually quite sweet, certainly good for backstage control and security during the shows. And the two girls: Marcie, heavy-set, muscular (maybe a lesbian?), who drove the big equipment truck. And Sunny (the youngest at 19, a pretty redhead, eager, seemingly innocent but eager to see the world) who took care of setting up instruments on stage, running cables, tuning guitars, etc.

So altogether, we were: 7 people on our bus (4 normies, 3 squatches); Chrome Pie was 5 musicians + one girl friend; and one more bus with the roadie crew of 7, all in all 20 people who had to work together and get along with each other for the next three months. Luckily, we all seemed nice. So far.

On their way to Utah Chrome Pie had performed two single-band concerts in California, but were now looking forward to working together with us as an expanded superband. We parked our caravan together, which took up a lot of place. Guess we'll have to get used to that.


The concert was at 7:00 pm. Chrome Pie went on first, us kidding them that they were OUR warm-up band this time, but two numbers into the set Addy and Magga jumped into their act, jamming along. Finally, we were all up on stage playing together (as rehearsed). Then it was supposed to be S&F doing our own songs, which we did, but with the other four guys jumping in to help. The grand finale was a jam, all 10-12 of us on stage together for three numbers, our squatchettes dancing and leaping like two-ton ballerinas. Maki and Bunny also got into it, beautiful background singers, stars were born.

We got lots of applause, had to do 3 extra numbers, everyone was happy. Groupies showed up so our roadies were happy too. Our first concert of the tour seemed to be a success. No trouble with the Mormons anyway. Actually, we had wondered if an audience in Utah was going to include religious fundamentalists who might have an issue with Nokhons being Beasts of the Apocalypse, but there was none of that. It was a nice audience. And a nice party afterwards.

It wasn't really a party, more a short meeting for drinks after a busy day. Well, for some of us. We gathered in the parking lot, instead of in a hotel room like the guys in CP were used to. It was a nice night, if not exactly warm, so we sort of spilled outside our bus-vans. As mentioned, there were female fans, or "groupies", trying to befriend the CP celebrities, about ten local ladies of all ages and shapes and sizes. Benny Joe and Charley were the only famous rock stars available to them, since Scott is married and wants to stay that way, and Lee had Bunny sitting on his lap. So some poor girls would have to settle for the less-famous roadies, who were quite available. Our lady truck driver, Marcie, proved indeed to be a lesbian, just as interested in any groupies as the guys were. Of course, our Latin lover Miguel deSanto was getting a lot of attention but he wasn't biting if he could spend the night with Mel and/or me/or both (and he could, we'd made that clear), although we were still trying to keep our tangled relationships a private secret from the general public.

Actually, there were groupies for us in S&F too, if we wanted some, but we already had all the sex-partners we could handle. We were polite but refrained from flirting with anyone, male or female. As usual, there were a few local girls semi-wanting to flirt with Adam, just because he was famous, but got scared when they got close enough to rilly understand just how BIG a Bigfoot rilly is.

So we (S&F) socialized for one drink then excused ourselves and went into our cozy old concert bus, leaving the groupies to fight over the (CP) crew out in the parking lot. Eventually Mike wandered over to our bus when nobody was paying attention, casual-like, and just never came out again that night.


Chapter 58

Adam Into Babylon