Chapter Sixty:     Des Moins

(transcribed from recording)

ADAM: Okay okay, everyone's saying it's my turn to contribute to our road trip chronicle, so here I am doing my part. It is 9:32 in the morning and I am surrounded by lazyheads still lounging around in bed...

MEL: Hey Addy, you weren't complaining about that a few minutes ago!

LISS: And you call that "lounging"? Seemed more like "lunging" to me, Freakfoot.

MEL: Well, we're lounging NOW, all warmed up and cozy-like.

ADAM: All right, duly noted. Melly and Lissandra have been... uh ... delightfully active.

MAKI: (from a distance) Hey, we're active too! And Pokey is definitely... oof ...lunging... ooo!

POKEY: (also distant) Ha ha. Don't listen to her, Maki's got a lot to learn about being discrete.

MIKE: (coming from a distance) Hey, we've been busy too. No hay perezosos aqui.

MASNIA: (giggling, also coming forward) Good morning, my friends.

MIKE: (arriving) Sí, buenos dias, muchachos y muchachas.

LISS: Buenos burritos yourself, young lusters. (more giggling and a kiss can be heard)

ADAM: Anyway, lunging back to my fascinating report, we are presently in the city of Des Moines, Iowa, perhaps the center of the universe. We did a show here last night, which seems to have been yet another artistic and economic success.

LISS: Followed by an excess of sex.

ADAM: Yes, ahem-- we played at Hoyt Sherman Place, an elegant old theater from the 1920's that sits 1250 buttocks, swell colors, good acoustics. It was especially nice to play indoors because the weather had turned stormy and was raining during our concert.

MEL: That wouldn't have been so fun at the Starlight in KC.

LISS: It's good that we've got God on our side.

ADAM: You guys are messing up my report.

LISS: Oh, you've already done the report-- "artistic and economic sex-sex", what more do you need to say?

ADAM: I could mention that we've been in this fair city for two days and that we have been dutiful tourists, making our obligatory visits to... what was it?.. Pappajohn Sculpture Park. And yet another Farmer's Market.

MAGGA: Ra, I like Pappa-john. (tfn--translated from Nokhontli) I enjoyed seeing those sculptures even though they are skesk. I think I'm beginning to get an understanding of what "art" is.

MEL: You weren't creeped out by the giant spider?

MAGGA: Creeped out..?

ADAM: (tfn) It means to dread something.

MAGGA: Ah! No, I do not creep out for bugs... ( tfn) ...or else I could never sleep in nature. Although... ah, maybe I understand: if a spider was actually that size it could potentially be dangerous. So it is a symbolic dread?

LISS: Give this girl a diploma in Arts & Science.

MASNIA: I liked the Botanical Gardens best. It was nice.

MIKE: Even tho it was raining?

MASNIA: Nokhons don't mind the rain.

LISS: Or bugs. Cool.

ADAM: Okay, back to my half-assed report...

POKEY: Do we really need to do a report about every city we visit? They'll all be the same: did concert, big sex-sex, were tourists, killed time, kinda boring.

MEL: Hey, I've got an idea about that! Instead of just US writing --or recording-- every chapter, just for fun why don't we invite everyone on the tour to contribute?

POKEY: Everybody? Even Benny Joe?

LISS: Ho ho ho, expecially Benny Joe! I mean, if you want this to be entertaining.

POKEY: You consider Benny Joe entertaining?

LISS: Well, amusing. Or at least, potentially dramatic.

ADAM: Well, the most obvious problem is that anyone genuinely interested in contributing would probably want to read what has already been written up to now.

MEL: And we can't really reveal The Secret Document to outsiders, I know, but we don't have to show them that. We're already posting edited versions of these chapters on our web site, Concert Tour Reports.

MIKE: So you mean we try to get all the other guys in Chrome Pie to compose a little School Report-- What I Did On My Summer Concert Tour?

MEL: Yeah but not just them, the roadie crew too. Ewan, for example, our grizzled but colorful old Aussie Road Manager...

LISS: And maybe Marcie for the lesbian-among-macho-dudes viewpoint. My moms would dig that.

POKEY: And why not jailbait Bunny, for the innocent abroad angle?

MAKI: And maybe even some after-concert groupies? For the Airhead Report!

MEL: Hey, now that's actually a good idea!

POKEY: Except that most groupies might not want to publicize their lifestyle any more than we do.

MIKE: Are you kidding? Groupies go after celebrities mainly so that they can brag about it.

ADAM: It's a fun idea, all right, but I don't know how many of those people would be interested or willing to participate. Certainly not all of them.

MEL: Maybe not, but even just some of them could be good enough. I think Scott would go for it, he's academically inclined.

ADAM: I agree. I'll mention it to him.

MEL: Oh, let's mention it to everyone. Next meeting.

ADAM: Okay now-- continuing my report, we've got three days before we have to show up in Minneapolis/St Paul, which is only 250 miles from here. Ewan said we could meet at 10:00 to discuss departure time, whether today or tomorrow.

MIKE: Hey, have you guys looked outside? It's snowing!

MEL: SNOWING? But it's MAY!

LISS: Global warming... or cooling? Whatever.

(someone knocking on a door)

MIKE: It's Ewan, a bit early. (bus door opening) Hi, man, how do you like the snow?

EWAN: I bloody don't! We need to get rolling before this shit gets too deep. We’d better be in St Paul before we get snowed out.

MIKE: Is it really snowing that much?

EVAN: Not yet, but according to the weather report, it will be. They're talking about four to seven inches of snow, so that could get pretty hairy.

MEL: Oh, can't we just stay here? This town is okay...

EWAN: That's up to you, but WE are heading north now. You've got 3 days to catch up with us in St Paul. If you can.

ADAM: No, we'll go together in convoy. We're self-contained here, all packed and ready to go. Are you guys already loaded up?

EWAN: We did all that last night after the concert. We'd just been waiting for a few of our guys to come back from an all-nighter, but we're all collected now.

ADAM: So let's go.

(end of recording)