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BIGFOOT   SCANDAL! IMMORAL LIFE-STYLE EXPOSED IN SECRET DOCUMENT! by wilson duff For over 20 years the National Inquisitor has followed the story of Sasquatch media star Adam Leroy Forest, whom we made famous as the "Baby Bigfoot of Monroe" back when two year-old Adam was orphaned by a passing hunter, but then adopted by a young couple, Arthur and Elaine Forest of Monroe, Washington. At that time they had no idea whether furry little Adam was more ape or human, but they took the chance and tried to raise him as a typical American kid. Some people were against that, fearing that he might be a dangerous animal. It turned out that Adam learned to speak English-- rather well, in fact-- graduating from Monroe High School and continuing on to study Anthropology at the University of Washington, where he is still enrolled and working on his Doctorate. Adam has also become a popular musician/singer/songwriter currently on tour of the USA with his own pop music band Squatch and Friends. And he has established contact with his own kind: other Sasquatches still living out in the wilderness. Adam and his family have organized the Nokhon Nation Project to assist any Bigfoot who wishes to join the rest of the world. Yes, our world, whether we want them here or not. So up to now he has been considered to be more "human" than "ape" or "animal". A genuine success story. And yet, it now seems that that his actual nature may be more animal than human after all. Just as we at NI have suspected all along. Because recently, a SECRET DOCUMENT has been unearthed revealing the scandalous truths of a shameful lifestyle. A private record of Adam's life has been kept: chapters from himself and those nearest to him, obviously never meant for public consumption. Detailing immoral customs of the Bigfoot folk; incestuous perversions of his human family; nefarious plans of the Bigfoot Nation to destroy our modern technological civilization; and the unacceptable sexual abuse of innocent young human girls. The document is presented as a book, entitled Adam out of Eden. which we obtained via a secret source not to be revealed, because as a matter of policy, we at NI protect our sources from retaliation. In this case, from potentially dangerous, certainly monstrous, angry Sasquatches. Here is a first review of the book: "AooE is quite readable, feeling more like some action-adventure novel than a historically factual documentary, at times quite entertaining and/or emotionally moving. Some of the elements of the story are too fabulous to take seriously, reading like a science-fiction or super hero fantasy, but the story is compelling and the characters are loveable, so who cares? Read it for fun." AooE is now available for free download by accessing http:sinserver.com. Admittedly, this is a pirate version, without permission of the authors, but since it has not yet been registered for copyright with the Library of Congress, there might not be any real legal problem. But if there is, you're on your own, we take no responsibility whatsoever. HEY, WHAT IS SHYØMA? Bigfoot has always been famous for a bad smell, "a stench" which drives his enemies away, as explained in AooE. But references are also made to another odor, perhaps the most powerful aphrodisiac in the world, evidently a pheromone that the females produce every full moon. This seems to be their excuse for all the sex orgies they have: evidently everyone becomes so erotically aroused that they just can't resist having each other. Morality be damned, evidently. A major pharmaceutical company has already begun applications to patent the smell, even though they do not yet have a sample. However, there is still some question as to whether or not shyøma actually exists. SQUATCH DRUGS! Like all primitive cultures (such as our own), the Sasquatches have their own way of altering consciousness-- i.e. getting high. A stimulant they call Khos seems to be the Bigfoot version of cannabis, or perhaps caffeine. It seems to be a blend of natural herbs and weeds, which is not (yet) a controlled substance and therefore perfectly legal. It is uncertain exactly what effect it has and it may be different for humans than it is for Bigfoot. Caution may be called for. The blend is popular among the Bigfoot folk, but the ingredients remain unknown to us humans.

Adam & Melly on the streets of Monroe. Aren't they a cute couple? Or is their relationship horrendously inappropriate? Looks like it. BIGFOOT AND LITTLE MELLY During ALF's teen-age years NI had frequently sounded the alarm concerning Adam's adorable little "girl friend", the very pretty, very blonde, very white American child named Melly Wielson, only daughter of Oscar-famous, now deceased, Hollywood actress Sally Rathers. Little Melly often claimed that she loved and would one day marry the hulking Bigfoot brute, which was almost cute while an innocent child, but became extremely contentious as she developed into the now exceptionally nubile young woman she is today. Several racial-purity extremists warned the couple to NOT EVER become an inter-species couple, and as far as anyone knew, those kids behaved like brother and sister. But among the shocking new revelations unearthed is that Adam and Melly currently have a torrid but open relationship, also laced with large-scale sex orgies-- humans AND huge hairy Sasquatches together --and that this obscene debauchery repeats itself every full moon. NI has reported these crimes to the local and federal authorities and are awaiting any actions by them, which we will be reporting vigorously. WHITE NATIONALIST THREAT Marko Surza, president of Tacoma biker gang Diablos, and self-proclaimed white nationalist hero has issued a warning to Adam Leroy Forest: "You have been warned about defiling the purity of our white HUMAN women with your big inhuman hairy body. If what this document seems to be revealing is true, then we shall end you. You may be bigger and stronger than any man alive, but a whole passel of us with parabellum hollow-points can take you down just like anybody else. We will not have our women defiled, unless it's US doing the defiling. Better watch your back, animal-guy." ALF was not available for a reply, being on a statewide concert tour with his band S&F together with Chrome Pie, but the Nokhon Nation Project's legal spokesman, Douglas Wielson, offered this comment to the bikers: "Oh yeah? Wait till you meet our Bigfoot Ninja Hit-Team in the middle of the night." BIGFOOT RELIGION REFERS TO ATLANTIS BIGFOOT ORIGINALLY FROM MARS? BRAD & JENNIFER TOGETHER AGAIN? AMAZON BANKRUPT? ELVIS SPOTTED IN GRACELAND! YOUR MOTHER KILLED JFK! JESUS RETURNED BUT RE-CRUCIFIED!