Chapter Twenty Two:     Le Grand Finalé!

Los Angeles, California -- Wednesday, August 12. 8:00 pm --
@ the Hollywood Palladium, audience capacity 4000 Sold Out

--recording begins--

ADAM: Hey, we made it! It's 2 o'clock in the morning and we've just finished packing up after our gig at the Hollywood Palladium in Los Angeles, which was the VERY LAST performance of our entire USA concert tour. We're done!

MELLY: (taking the microphone) And just now we're all gathered in our S&F bus parked in the Palladium parking area, where we'll spend what's left of the night before driving off to our various destinations tomorrow.

LISS Our last party. Sob, sniff.

POKEY : And it's raining! What IS this shit?

MAKI : Oh, I like that it's raining. Nice mood.

MELLY :Yeah, it was raining for our first time in weeks when we crossed the border out of Arizona to California earlier today, but that seemed to us like a good sign.

LISS : Rilly. A welcome change from the endless routine of dry mile after dry mile.

MAKI : And then suddenly, like magic, we were dodging traffic on the LA freeway.

SCOTT : For most of us Chrome Pie folk, LA is HOME, so we can get back to real life after tonight.

SHIRLEY : At 2 o'clock in the morning?

SCOTT : Well, tomorrow maybe.

MELLY : For us Squatch & Friends folk, we've still got a thousand-mile drive to Monroe, Washington, but at least we won't have to perform any more concerts for a while. We're free!

LISS : Which is both wonderful and kinda sad, of course. We've all loved playing the music and enjoying the companionship we've shared together on this tour.

MELLY : She's saying it's been nice.

Chorus of "yeah"s.

ADAM: But just about every one of us here also has other projects that demand their time. Liss and Melly sure do and I've been chomping at the bit to get back to Squatchland and learn more Sha-haka magic.

POKEY: And I wanna get back to my "students", trying to teach Nokhons how to speak comprehensible English, even tho they're all kinda hopeless.

MASNIA: Not all of us are hopeless, Pokey dear. Some of us can even be comprehensibly erudite.

POKEY: Okay, showoff. But you-- Masnia my sweetling --ARE kind of a freak, and everybody knows it.

MASNIA: Tee hee!

SCOTT: I'd say this final concert at the Hollywood Palladium was just perfect --perfect audience, perfect performance--

CHARLIE: Yeah, well, as it should be; after we've honed it so many times. This was our 50th performance of those song sets.

DON : Y'know, that audience was really READY for us, probably having followed our trail around the USA and welcoming us home to roost in Hollywood, of all places in the world of music.

POKEY: It's also been a mechanically perfect trip, no problems with our vehicles, not even one flat tire in all those miles.

SUNNY : How many miles was it, do you reckon?

EWAN : Roughly a bloody 3000 miles coast to coast, so 6000 there and back. But it wasn't in a bloody straight line, wobbling north and south a lot, back and forth, so let's guess 9-10,000 miles, mates. Probably a tad more, seeing as we've been on the road for a bit over three bloody months.

GENE : Hey, somebody's knocking on the door. Whoozat?

OSMOND: It's BJ and Marcie...Come on in, guys.

BENNY JOE: Fuck man, is it raining! Thanx, oh wow-- you're all really packed in here!

OSMOND:You got a choice: in or out?

MARCIE: IN! In, in..we're getting WET out here! ooOh, thank you.

SUNNY: So where have you guys been?

BENNY JOE: We figured it was time for a quick victory fuck in our truck, of course.

SUNNY: Well of course, of course. Hey, have you guys seen Bunny and Lee?

MARCIE: Oh yeah, they took a taxi home. They live just a few miles away.

SUNNY: Hmm, not much comraderly spirit there.

BENNY JOE: Yeah, so what else is new? Anyway, not our problem any more.

MARCIE: Or not for a while, at least. We're still Chrome Pie.

OSMOND: Not Chrome Squatch any more?

BENNY JOE: I guess we'll see,

OSMOND: Oh... Okay, so now what?

GENE: Oh, the concert part of the tour may be over, but now we have to process all those concert videos-- we've recorded over 90 hours! --and find out what to do with it. Squeeze it down to 90 minutes maybe. So keep in touch, friends!

SHIRLEY: Yeah,me too. But I'm still sorry we had to miss the last Bigfoot orgy.

SCOTT: Hey, we can have our own orgy. If we can get the kids to fall asleep, that is.

SHIRLEY: Yeah, but it won't be the same, with all the shyøma and the telepathic sex, I mean.

SCOTT: Hey, so maybe we should invite Magga and Masnia to come and visit us sometime.

SHIRLEY: Oh yes! But it should be at the RIGHT time! I mean, a Full Moon...

SCOTT: Yeah, for example.

But after Mexico City, I'm a bit lost. Those girls, tu sabes, I don't want to leave them. Oh, I've been invited to join them for as long as I want at la Hacienda in Washington State, but I don't know what I'm going to DO there.

Both Melly and Liss are still studying anthropology at the university, Adam too. Pokey teaches English to Sasquatches, all I do is play guitar. But maybe that's okay, I do earn a pretty good living that way.

As for Chrome Pie, it's a little up in the air if they really need me any more, I've always been sort of a "guest star" to the band, but I think I want to do more original music with Adam for a while.

And with the girls, sure. I love them. All five of them.

I've invited anyone from our convoy who needs to stay in my Topanga house to do so, it's big enough even though there's already Jorge and Evina, a Cuban couple I've been letting stay there while I was gone on tourné. It's not good for a house to stay empty for too long, and I'll probably be away for a while again.

To Mexico City first... and maybe then up North to Monroe, Washington to join mis chicas. I've never been there before, but I have met Art and Elaine at our S&F Rose Bowl concert last year and I thought they were very nice people. They also have another Mexican guest staying there, a 12 year-old kid named Roberto. Who-- get this --is the runaway son of that drug cartel boss who almost had Pokey and me murdered near the town of Iguala.

At least that cabrón is in prison just now... if he hasn't bribed his way out. Which could be risky.

DON: Aw, Sunny's just told me that she wants to move to New York and try doing theater. I mean, shit, New York's so far away!

SUNNY: Hey, I'm sorry, just processing ideas. I mean, you could come with me if you want. It's just that I came to LA to try out for movies, but that never panned out for me. I finally fell into working as a roadie for bands like Chrome Pie instead-- and here I am as of today maybe unemployed.

EWAN : Oh yer not on the dole yet, lassy, we'll be taking a well-deserved month free, but then there'll be another tour. And there's a hefty bonus payout we'll each be getting pretty soon, so you won't go bloody hungry in the meantime,

SUNNY: Will Squatch & Friends be going with us?

EWAN : That hasn't been determined yet, but Adam seems to have some other plans. I hear maybe on and off for awhile. We'll bloody see, won't we?

MARCIE : Hey, speaking of bonuses, I've heard that Taylor Swift gave all 50 of her truck drivers a $100,000 bonus at the end of her Eras Tour.

EWAN : Yeah, well, that was a bloody huge tour, she had 50 trucks, we had one! So she could afford it. We're not exactly in that category yet.

SUNNY: But we could be next time?

EWAN: Maybe, we could bloody be.

DON: Yeah, rather Europe than NYC!

MASNIA: Europe? Good. I think I'd like to go to Paris for a while.

SUNNY: Hey, that's great, Masnia. I've heard said that "Masnia always gets what she wants", so maybe we can all go together.

MASNIA: Yes, I've heard that too. I'd like if that was true.

MARCIE: Yeah, his place at first. But this is weird-- I'm going to be moving in with a fucking MAN. I've never done that before. I can only hope it'll be better than it's been with some of those cunt-bitch roommates I've had to deal with, fucking drama queens.

BENNY JOE: Oh, it'll be fantastic, babe, you'll love it. Trust me.

MARCIE: Really? Like I'm really expecting a life-long slob like BJ to clean up after himself? I mean, he might even be worse than me!

BENNY JOE: Hey babe, haven't I cleaned up my fucking act?

MARCIE: Why yes, you have kept my truck sparklingly neat, my darling boy. You're so GOOOOD.

GENE: Good? Hey, this is not the BJ we've come to know and dread.

ADAM: Thanks, Miguel, but we all wanna go home real bad.

MELLY: But you're certainly welcome to come with us and stay long as you like.

LISS: Yeah, Mike, none of us wants to do without you.

MIGUEL: I gotta go see my mom in Fresno, she's been calling me!

ADAM: Well then, "man's gotta do..."

LISS: Yeah, when Mamacita calls, you rilly gotta go.

MELLY: But you know where you can find us.

LISS: Don't worry,chico we'll still love you.

ADAM: Yo tambien, cabrón.

MIGUEL: Gracias amigos.

MASNIA : I'm sorry Freddy, but I need to go back to the woods for my studies. I was bred to be an Nokhon Elder, you know. I have duties. We'll meet again, I'm sure.

FREDDY: But when? boo hoo.

MASNIA : How would I know? We Nokhons are no good at numbers or dates.