MELLY: Monday-- our first real-live back-to-work Monday in three months, after our little pause in the daily lives of... whatever we were or are. Musicians? College students? Not on the road any more... for now, at least. Back to the daily grind of being rich & famous media stars. Your turn, Liss. LISS: Hunh? Oh, are we still doing that? MELLY: We're starting a new chapter, girl. Back in the Real World. Get with it. LISS: Yeah, okay, well-- the offers have been stacking up: movies, albums, streaming videos. An open invitation for all us S&F'ers to host another TV show of Saturday Evening Live in NYC is on our list of maybe's. Another is about us two starring together again in an eagerly-awaited sequel to Welcome To Hell, that indie film we were in last year, although we'd have to explain how come Diavola (Mel's character) isn't quite so dead any more. MELLY: Hey, no problem; I'm... I mean SHE's Satanic, and therefore immortal. LISS: Whatever. There's also one studio pitching for a streaming TV series starring Mel & Me as a blonde and brunette matched set (our good old Betty & Veronica act) along with Magga & Masnia as our new Bigfoot girl roomnmates in a GAL-PALS romcom/sitcom set in some big city. Or even better: Mean Girl RIVALS! Lotsa fun banter, a team of Hollywood screenwriters, producers and clamoring advertisers to back us up. I'm... rilly... so... enthused. MELLY: You don't sound so enthused. LISS: But wait, there's more: says here that we can co-star in an inter-species Bigfoot porno extravaganza... MELLY: Gol, it's them again. You'd think they'd take the hint and drop that idea. LISS: I guess they just rilly like the idea of us two boning a Bigfoot together. What can I say? I mean, so do I. MELLY: Okay, we both know we're HOT right now, either with or without Addy, and we could cash in a wole bunch of money real quick. Truth is, we don't need the money, doing okay here. LISS: Rilly. It's cool, being solvent. But we ARE waiting for something special, something that grabs us... MELLY: Yeah, a really wonderful movie script; or a terrific new music album to record and produce. LISS: In the meantime we're both right in the middle of our anthropology majors. MELLY: Oh yeah, that.
LISS: Mel and I went with Freakfoot into Seattle this morning. The weather was nice today, but we ignored the all-consuming lure of Naked Lake and went for a ride in the Squatchmobil, convertible top down, our hair flapping everywhere. We must have been a sight to see, because we rilly got noticed a lot, people in the other cars pointing at us, honking horns and waving, evidently recognizing who we are. MELLY: Hmm, a well-trimmed buck Bigfoot driving an old beat-up primer-grey Chevy Camaro along with two spectacular chicks, blonde and brunette; who else could it be but the world-famous Squatch & Friends?
MELLY: Driving into town, we couldn't help but notice how much the homeless camps in Seattle had grown just in the last three months we'd been away. Not that it was a surprise, we've been seeing the same trend in almost all of the towns and cities we'd passed through on our concert tour; endless rows of tents, nylon or cardboard, people living in their illegally parked cars and RVs, rows of them sometimes stretching for miles all the way through and on out of town. I guess we never mentioned them because we'd gotten so used to seeing them. But it's pretty grotesque: so many thousands of marginalized people all over the Land of the American Dream. LISS: Masnia and Magga reacted to the homeless even less than we did, them already assuming that NokhSo civilization is inherently sick, because they've seen what we've done to the world. Pollution & Garbage, climate change, etc. Being Nokhons, they don't regard homelessness as a problem because they don't need housing to survive. To them the actual problem is just too many people. We had to remind them that unlike Nokhons, humans die without shelter.
MELLY: At noon today we met with the IPR staff on the University of Washington campus. Good old Professor Evanzine was our moderator, still on the job after 20-some years. Because of my close relationship with the Forest family, I've known Rubin Evanzine most of my life, we've always been on friendly terms, him a kind of jolly uncle to both Addy and me. He was also a good friend to have back when the Idigenous Primate Research department went dark on us, trying to treat young Addy as disposable property, just another experimental specimen, instead of as a human being, an American kid. Rubin was always on our side, against some of the most heartless scientists, who were ready and eager to start cutting off major chunks of Sasquatch in their zeal for more grant money. Luckily, he had just enough influence to keep the IPR humane. He's an okay guy. And now Professor Evanzine, being IPR's foremost Bigfoot expert (due to him knowing US at the Hacienda) is promoting an academic cerriculum about the Nokhon culture. And he'd like to have us run it, especially Addy, for obvious reasons. I mean, we're even more expert than he is. So he asked if we were interested in the job, offering paid teaching positions. We are quite interested, of course; Addy, Liss and I are all Antropology majors at the UW and this would give us tons of academic credit-- as if we ever needed job security, since we're already set for life economically. But yes, this also fits into our Nokhon Nation Project plans, still following Addy's Spirit Vision, all hanging together very neatly. So we arranged to make a presentation of our intended itinerary for the first year, as well as some program specifics. The UW has always hosted populist just-for-fun night classes about the wild mythic & mysterious Bigfoot, even long after you-know-who arrived to prove that Sasquatches/Bigfoot/Yeti/Mapinguey actuallly do exist. But this course would be different, not popularizing fables, nor peddling juicy conspiracy theories. We would invite actual Nokhon guest speakers and translate for them ourselves. In a couple of weeks, on September 25th, the UW's classrooms will be re-opening for the Fall Semester and studies will begin, including our new course on Bigfoot. Or rather Nokhon culture, to be specific. And this class will be a bit special for us because this time we get to be the teachers. Looks like I'll be chief instructor, Liss will be my TA (since she's two years behind me) and Addy will be present as pre-recorded video sessions, since his physical self will, at that time, most likely be off and away to the fabulous underground Nokhon city of Aket. Although we must not mention Aket or surrender any clues pertaining to it's whereabouts, that must remain a secret. Yes, we know, Aket has already been mentioned in the leaked AooE Document, so students will certainly be asking about it, but so far the secret city of Aket has about the same mythic status as Atlantis: go ahead and believe whatever you want, but ya can't prove shit. The whole point of us leaking the document was to introduce the scandalous truth about Nokhon mores as unconfirmable hints, so that puritanical America could eventually get used to the truth without suffering a destructive hyper-moralistic over-reaction. The UW staff would prefer for Adam to teach all year-- as in physically show up to hold class every school day, and maybe make some cool propaganda videos right here on campus. They've been suggesting that Adam could overtake the projects of advertising and public relations. But Adam told them: "Sorry. No way right now, I've also got studies in the Nokhon world and I'll need to spend some time there soon. Maybe two-three months." "Can you take a super-compact video spy camera with you? We've got one you can borrow." "Can't do that," Addy said, "they'd kick me out. And I'd deserve it too, so no."
After our meeting with the IPR we drove downtown to the Pike Place Market and had lunch. Thai food: Panang curry and rice, num num num. After that, Addy had some business with the Sweet Silence recording studio in South Seattle, so we arranged to meet later for the trip back home. We girls were going shopping, starting at the downtown Bon Marché, and that was something Addy did not want to be involved with at all. Addy hates shopping for clothes. You can't blame him; there are exactly no standard clothes he can wear from any of Seattle's stores, even if he was the least bit interested in buying some. There's simply nothing on any shelves that can fit a Sasquatch, not even a poncho. Elaine and I have hand-made all of Addy's clothes since he was 7'8 tall at the age of 15. She taught me how to use a sewing machine so I could help her sew all those white campesino outfits for Addy and all visiting squatches who want to go into town but may not do so naked. Even Liss helps sometimes-- if enough brute force is applied. LISS: Sewing is not rilly my thing. MELLY: No, dear, but you're oh-so helpful in so many other ways. Like writing these chapters. LISS: Yeah?. Well then I'll just say that this chapter IS written and sign out here. Bye' folx.
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