Chrome Squatch Concert Tour USA
LEE SPRINGER reporting events of Sunday, 5th of July -- This is Lee Springer. Yes, I who plays keyboards in the Chrome Pie pop band. Although we are currently going by the name of Chrome Squatch to accommodate yet another band formerly known as Squatch & Friends, however that renaming might only be temporary. I have not before contributed to this "document" because I tend to be a somewhat private person, but now feel that I had better say something so as not to be misunderstood. I do not wish to complain, but do wish to explain. I have enjoyed playing with this band for three years now. We all get along, there is-- for the most --mutual respect. I feel that my musical talents are put to good use in this particular band, since I have dropped my overambitious intention to become a classical concert pianist and finally accepted that I actually prefer playing pop and rock music. I was rather snooty about that for quite a while. Our band became involved with Squatch & Friends that time we performed a one-off concert in Seattle, Washington, at the Paramount Northwest Theater. They were to be our warm-up band, being basically unknown at the time. Well, except for their lead singer, Adam Leroy Forest, who was already world-famous for being the one and only Bigfoot ever raised as a human being, and who somehow happened to be a rather good singer/songwriter (and performer, actually). S&F's pianist was Miss Melody Anne Wielson, a (really quite) beautiful blonde girl, of course, but an amateur piano player. Oh, she IS quite talented; I'll give her that, but simply has not had the training I have had at the Julliard Conservatory for Music in New York. When our two bands joined forces I suddenly found myself demoted to sharing keyboard duties with this newcomer. I still play the synthesizers, but she is often featured on acoustic piano, although it is I who has been trained as classical solo concertist. However, to be fair, she IS a little better than me at Boogie Woogie, although that is not a genre we tend to perform, preferring our own original songs and melodies. Am I jealous? Sounds like it, I suppose, but can't help it. As John Lennon sang, "I'm just a jealous guy".
And now, my girl friend Bunny (Margaret Stommens), literally The Love of My Life, suddenly wanted to go to an orgy with all the guys in our band, including the whole road crew-- and our pet Bigfoot --so how jealous do you think I feel? Oh, sure, she's invited me to come along, but does she really think that I want to see her being...you know... besmirched by those barbarians? Then she said that, at the orgy, I could help myself to my keyboard rival, pretty blonde Melly, and have some fun. Said she wouldn't mind. Is this what True Love has come to? Do I deserve this? Perhaps I SHOULD just help myself to Melly. And Lissandra. And Maki and Sunny. Maybe even Marcie just to... no, that wouldn't work, she's gay and not especially pretty. No, the prettiest one IS my Bunny and I want to keep it that way. Yes, I realize that "prettiest" is a matter of personal perception and opinion, there's no real way to discern a level of preference between Bunny and Melly, or even Lissandra: all three have wonderful features of face and figure. They would each be quite superb if served up at an orgy. Hmmm, perhaps I should partake. But no, the thought of sharing any of them is abhorrent to me. Also the idea of rolling around naked in the dirt, copulating with strange women, along beside my fellow band mates with total disregard to morality or scruples rather offends me. I'd certainly find it embarrassing and shameful. I was pretty shocked the first time "groupies" had come to a backstage party after we had performed a Chrome Pie concert. I was quite happy to finally meet 17 year old Bunny, who was innocent and beautiful enough to be my "girl friend" and make me look good. One of the best things I liked about her was just how obedient she was, right away. Of course I realize that's because of her own lack of confidence, which I should try to help her with, but I do prefer that she does what I tell her to. It makes life easier. And I may as well admit that it's delightful to have such a beautiful lover obeying my every dictate and catering to my every whim. But when Adam invited the entire Chrome Squatch crew to a pagan "Nokhon mating ceremony", supposedly supercharged by some kind of Bigfoot aphrodisiac called shyøma, it created a conflict between Bunny and myself: she wanted to do it and I refused. She became indignant, quoting "women's rights" and other foolish feminist concepts, with no regard to MY right to have an obedient girl friend at my side. We squabbled, quite vociferously in fact, until I had to lay down the law: that she and I would take a little vacation from the rest of the band, get a room in the Metropolis Holiday Inn over the 5 days of the Full Moon effect, and have fun being tourists. I promised her just as much sex as an orgy could offer, having purchased my first pack of Viagra to make sure I could keep my promise. But she was in a bad mood all that time, I never got to use the Viagra because she wouldn't have sex with me at all-- she'd never done that before-- oh, I took the blue pills but then had long frustrating sleepless nights nursing swollen erections. She knew that, but considered it her punishment for me not allowing her to screw any and everyone she felt like screwing. After one day she hated Metropolis as much as she hated me. Understandable, it was kind of boring there. So we rented a car and took day trips around the nearby Shawnee National Forest: Harrisberg, Hidden Springs, Garden of the Gods, McDonald's. When back in our hotel room I practiced on my Roland el-piano keyboard a lot, with earphones so that Bunny could watch Netflix and we could ignore each other. Also a lot. Anyway, we survived those five days and the band picked us up again on the way to Nashville. But we weren't the happiest couple. Although at least we are having sex again, but only because she really can't go without. Luckily, because neither can I. But now she seems to be fixating on Adam, the Bigfoot. I think that's just to get a reaction out of me, because she's always been a bit afraid of him: how big he is, how heavy, as if she was calculating what lying under him would be like. The size of his... I know it's just to bother me, she wouldn't ever really dare to do it. Or even want to. Not with a big hairy Bigfoot. I'm pretty sure.
Now we're pulling into Nashville. At last. We should have just come here instead of hanging out in the boonies for so long. I've been here before a couple of years ago; also on tour with CP that time. I remember it as a very entertaining town. That was before Bunny, but I was doing all right: I'd hit it off with two hot groupies who were desperate to score a celebrity and were willing to do anything-- threesomes, foursomes --as long as one of us was just a little bit famous. I wasn't quite yet, but Scott, Charlie and BJ were and I was with them. But I don't think I'll write that story. Not smart to run down your colleagues. Besides, since then BJ has... no, never mind.
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